daredevilkink | Prompt Post #5

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Because I am THE WORST MOODKILLER EVER, I went straight to Tony deciding to do this without consulting anyone or prior precedent, and everyone else being frozen between horrified, amused, and awkwardly intrigued:

Matt's on his third flute of champagne, pleasantly buzzed, when he starts fidgeting with the bowl in the center of the table--"Is this full of condoms?"

"Well," says Tony. "I don't know how you fancy lawyers do welcome orgies, but you're in the Avengers now, and we try to set a good example."

"Welcome... orgies? Is that... you're joking, right?" He has to be joking. Doesn't he? Matt racks his brain for cues he might have missed. They do all live in the same house, but he'd assumed it was more of a barracks situation than--this.

"Well, I'm not barebacking."

Natasha sounds like she's stifling laughter as she puts a hand on Matt's arm. "He's joking, Matt."

Tony almost sounds offended. "I am not joking. Do you know how long it took to set this up?" He passes Matt a condom. "Latex is passé. These are an experimental polymer--twice as strong, half as thick, and vacuum impermeable. And hypoallergenic. Go ahead, give it a spin."

"Tony," says Bruce, "This is insanely inappropriate." Matt can feel the heat of his blush from across the table. "I am so sorry, Matt. I swear to god, Tony, we can't take you anywhere."

"You're no fun," Tony tells him. "Maybe I should have invited the Other Guy instead. I bet he'd be great at parties."

"What is wrong with you?" Sam sounds genuinely shocked, which is a relief.

Captain America--Matt still can't quite think of him as anything else, no matter how many call me Steve conversations they've had--finally scrapes his jaw off the floor for long enough to growl, "Tony. Outside. Now."

...I'm so torn, because your characterization of everyone is pERFECT here, but i just wanted IM3 again recently and i have a terrible soft spot for "half-feral, unwillingly grown-up tony stark with ptsd and like, back problems" (AND A HEART CONDITION, DAMNIT, the only thing i don't approve of in that whole movie is tony fixing his prosthetic with terrible magic) also consider his awful "hideously boring grownup party in

tony stark setting up a surprise welcome-to-the-team orgy, but only because he wants to live up to his reputation - he doesn't want daredevil to think they're boring! - and hoping that thor or steve would handle the heavy lifting, because tony tweaked his back the last time someone threw him sixty feet in the suit

This is practically perfect in every way. I want to marry it

I can also see Rhodey giving him shit for it later. "You left me out of the superhero orgy? I should have been there. No, not to bang them, to laugh at you being rejected by that many people in under a minute. "

(auth!anon)

Thor will take Tony at ABSOLUTE FACE VALUE and be baffled by everyone else's shock.

Clint is staying out of the conversation because he wants to keep his options open.

(Although, oh, my god, now I desperately want Hawkguy being awkward at an orgy. Defensively insisting that YES, he has TOTALLY done this before. And Natasha and Kate, who both actually have, are all "honey, no.")

Everyone expects Bruce to either walk out or melt down, but once it becomes obvious that Tony's at least sort of going to get his way, he's like "OKAY IF WE'RE GONNA DO THIS, WE'RE GONNA DO IT RIGHT. LET'S ROLL UP OUR SLEEVES AND NEGOTIATE SOME BOUNDARIES AND GROUND RULES, KIDS."

Yes! More! All the orgies!

Thank god for Bruce being an adult!

I... this is freaking hilarious and perfectly in character.

Prompt Post #5

Re: Sexy Avengers welcome party, Matt/Avengers

Re: Sexy Avengers welcome party, Matt/Avengers

Re: Sexy Avengers welcome party, Matt/Avengers

Re: Sexy Avengers welcome party, Matt/Avengers

Re: Sexy Avengers welcome party, Matt/Avengers

Re: Sexy Avengers welcome party, Matt/Avengers

Re: Sexy Avengers welcome party, Matt/Avengers