Prompt Post #1

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Microfill; Matt/Foggy, internalized homophobia, untitled

[(Anonymous)]

"Matty?"

He knows that voice, but he can't place it. She sounds surprised and pleased to see him, and quick steps carry a scent of common, utilitarian soap and shampoo and chicken vindaloo near him. He still can't tell who it is, until she hits him in the shoulder with a fist.

"Shania?" he breaks out into a huge, disbelieving smile. He hasn't seen her in... "God, has it been, what? Five years?"

"More," she giggles. Her voice is a little different than what he remembers, a little lighter, perhaps, or less angry. "I was out of that place the moment I turned eighteen, and, well. Haven't been back since."

"I missed you." Shania was a year and a half older than him. There weren't that many teenagers at St. Agnes, and they banded together. More than that, Shania had snuck him into the girl's dormitory one afternoon, when he was sixteen, along with a condom, and made them, as she put it, 'a man and a woman outta us'. The experience had been pretty sweet as far as Matt was concerned, but Shania had made it very clear she didn't want a repeat, and after a few months she had left.

"What's up with you? Still haunting holy ground?", she teases, sounding genuingly interested.

"Columbia, law school," he says, preening a bit. She gives him an appreciative, near silent whistle and a pat on the shoulder.

"Atta boy, Matty!"

"And you-"

"Married, actually," she smiles.

"Sister Mathias would die of shock! I thought that sort of thing 'wasn't for you'?"

"Yeah, about that. Sister Mathias wouldn't recognize my marriage, even if she knew about it. Huh, no one here would recognize it," she grabs his hand and waves it around, gesturing to the church. "Just, you know, the city of New York. Hum, it's- Helen. Her name is Helen." She brings his hand up to her face, so he can feel her nod.

"Your wife?" He clarifies. Shania had never gone into detail about what made her so uncomfortable about living at the orphanage, or why their tryst had been so short-lived, and how she could go back to being just friends without any lingering spark on her part, but Matt supposes that would do it.

"Yeah," she breaths. "Life's been good, you know? Now that I'm not trying to be what others think I should be. I'm just-" she shrugs, guiding his hand to her shoulder, and chuckles uncomfortably. "A sinful sinner, living in sinful sin. Doomed to hell."

"Says the woman coming to evening mass. I thought you hated it."

"I thought so too. I guess I'm just too stubborn not to keep poking at it until they accept me." He can feel her pulse, steady and calm. Married life has afforded her a calmness, a confidence she always faked but never really possessed.

"They're just people," Matt tells her, jerking his chin towards the altar. "Fallible."

"Yep, so I tell myself. Not going to confession until they change their tune, though."

"I can imagine," Matt says hollowly.

Microfill; Matt/Foggy, internalized homophobia, untitled

[(Anonymous)]

(OK, wanted to give this some closure, but I couldn't come up with an ending, so... unresolved angst)

Matt doesn't go to confession, but he ends up sitting in the back and listening to the mass until the people get up and queue for communion. Then he simply gets up and leaves, before the priest blesses the congregation.

This isn't something he wants to confess: he feels guilty that he's... that there's this tension with Foggy, specifically because he's his friend, and he doesn't like the idea of tainiting Foggy, of all people, with his sins. But he can deal with it the same way as he deals with his anger: privately, with a punching bag. He doesn't want to get a priest involved, because he doesn't trust a priest to give him any kind of answer on this matter.

He already knows he's sinning, and he's not repenting for his soul, so confession is useless. The important thing is he decides not to drag anyone (Foggy) down with him, and that he can do.

He'll just have to keep it to himself. He's good at that.

He's always been very good at keeping secrets.

Re: Microfill; Matt/Foggy, internalized homophobia, untitled

[(Anonymous)]

ohh man this just killed me! I love the detail!!

Re: Microfill; Matt/Foggy, internalized homophobia, untitled

[(Anonymous)]

Wait... Where's the Matt/Foggy?