daredevilkink | Prompt Post #6

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Prompt Post #6

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Uh, OCD doesn't really work like that. With OCD, you know that all your compulsions and obsessions are crazy but you have to do them anyway. Plus each little ritual behaviour doesn't make you feel better, it just stops your brain from screaming at you for a moment.

Still with and OCD Matt you could really pump the angst angle.

Hell, there were times I was in tears because my brain wasn't convinced a step in my pre-bedtime ritual wasn't done properly, and I have to start all over again from the beginning- I just wanted to go to bed, but I couldn't, all I could do was start all over again and try and not mess up a procedure that I knew was crazy and didn't make any sense.

Plus my OCD is rather vicious. Behavioural therapy only makes it worse,and I spent *years* seeing various psychologists and trying various therapies in an effort to appease my mother, and ending up worse off every time. I'm now almost totally housebound- leaving the house requires a lot of preparation and stress, and I only leave for psych appointments with a psychiatrist who not only doesn't trigger my OCD, I've actually seen some progress under him.

TL;DR: OCD peeps know their obsessions are not real, but that can really pump up the angst angle. Try- http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-things-no-one-tells-you-about-having-ocd/

Matt would know that he doesn't have the devil inside him, but he'd have to do all the rituals anyway just to get the feeling to stop for a little bit, and then it starts all over again. Brain on a loop, it's not real, can't control it, it won't stop, start all over again.

AYRT uh not to be an asshole but I have had OCD since I was thirteen (maybe eleven?)which is ten years for me and I don't really need an earful about how it does or doesn't work.

For me I have pure obsessional OCD which is a lot of rumination, research, restriction, and confession. I personally was terrified I was an incestuous pedophile and I was also so scared of food poisoning that at one point I barely ate anything for three days and at another point I ended up making myself too anemic to give blood. For me, my actions still my anxiety for like five minutes and then I'm off again.

This is how mine operates in a very loose sense:http://www.cracked.com/article_21834_5-realities-life-when-your-brain-wants-you-to-murder.html

Not that it's any of your business or this kink meme's which has no issue being flippant about hallucinations or any number of other mental health issues but for some reason I get an earful because not everybody's OCD presents in the same way.

SA so I guess what I was trying to say with this prompt was trying to be truer to my experience. I didn't know my bad thoughts didn't mean I was a terrible person who could hurt a child or a family member on accident. I genuinely thought if I wasn't careful that at one point I would slip and become one. In my mind, because I had the thoughts, I practically was one already. In my mind, the thoughts were genuinely dangerous and bad and I didn't have any clue that this was a ridiculous thought process. This went on for five years before I ever heard the words pure O OCD.

So I guess what I am tryinf to say with this particular prompt is that that might be how Matt might feel like he might not know his obsessions are ridiculous and so he prays too much and goes to confession too often and maybe fasts too much because it makes him briefly feel better.

Actually, put that way- I *can* see what you're going for there. Before I was diagnosed, all I knew was something was wrong with me. I tilt my head and it all comes into focus, and I gain a little more understanding of how things work in someone else's head. I actually got a little burst of a feeling of enlightenment there.

All I knew that there was something wrong with me - Mix that in with strong religious beliefs, the whisper in his memory of "the Murdock boys have the Devil in them", a temper he has trouble controlling and senses that set him apart from everyone else- "something wrong with me" for Matt = "The devil in me".

Confession, crossing himself, the rosary, they all shut the Devil up for a short time.

Yes! Exactly. That is exactly what I was going for. Because to me that interpretation could be just to the left of canon. He doesn't actually believe in killing or guns but he is so obsessed with the fact that he wants to and that means that there must be a devil inside him clawing to get out. Rather than the fact that all he wants to do is help people and he once cauterized the wound of an enemy both for information and out of guilt.

Sorry if I came off the wrong way there. I tend to ramble a *lot* esp if it's on one of the very few things I actually know anything about.

And yeah, OCD's different for each person. I once completely baffled a psychiatric nurse I was seeing. Plus my bad experiences with therapy. (I still don't get what was going on with the neuro-feedback therapy. Stick sensors on my head and have me look at a screen with a spaceship on it. Like a video game you had no idea to play, with no controls, and I end up more messed up. WTF?)

So, apologies if I hit a nerve. Zen hugs (or virtual Foggy Nelson hugs) and hope you spend more times on the sandy shoals of "found a workable way to live my life" than in the depths of the ocean that is OCD.

That's alright. I think I am just very sensitive because a few years ago on a kink meme I had a similar experience with my bipolar disorder (people telling me I was doing it wrong) but it was a lot more vicious and it caused me to not write about my disorder again for over a year. I was nineteen, writing brief fills on the kink meme because I was lonely, and maybe not as eloquent as I could have been.

I am sorry that your OCD makes you so sick. I hope I didn't hurt your feelings.

I didn't talk about my OCD suspicions with any therapist/psych doc for years because I was honestly worried I would be sent to jail for having thoughts. I still haven't really worked on it; I inconsistently take anxiety medication because I have anxiety that causes me physical pain and interferes with my work and it helps enough to allow me to function....ok....most of the time. My mood stabilizer helps too; basically I am a mess of neuroses.

Therapy is so hit and miss. My first therapist wanted me to draw a lot of pictures in sessions and then explain why I had drawn the pictures. She also kept nagging me to sleep. As I was having violently unpleasant mood swings at the time and was having trouble sleeping or caring about sleeping, I did not find this to be helpful at all. I had never heard of neuro-feedback therapy though that is bonkers.

Zen Foggy Hugs! I hope you can have a workable way to live your life too. AND that maybe someone will prompt or fill more mentally ill and OCD Matt Murdock prompts because he is my canon comics mentally ill son and there are not nearly enough fics about that.

Neuro-feedback therapy was bonkers. And like I said, I still have no idea how it was supposed to work. (Plus the psychiatrist I was seeing there I later found out was more or less Sith.) Hell, I even tried Mora therapy, and that therapist at least explained how it worked. It was nonsense, but it was nonsense I could understand.
Reiki was at least relaxing, accupuncture- well I don't think it did anything for my head but hey- it didn't make me worse, and I think there were some physical benefits. Hypnotherapy seemed to involve someone talking relaxing imagery at me while I lost interest and stopped paying attention. I had sessions where I was 'having my energy field balanced' - having the therapist dangle a pendulum over you at the start of every session was a case of "Seriously?" but my GP set up that one (Seriously funky doctor there. A slew of psychologists, all in an effort to appease my mother.

Actually, in the end I lucked out. I have a pension, my own little flat, my meds (fuck yeah modern pharmaceuticals!), family support and a psychiatrist that doesn't set off my OCD. (He called mine "the dragon" -obey it's rules and you can live under it's belly, try to fight it and you get stomped.) Instead of "making someone better" for him it's finding workable solutions so you can find ways to live with it.

Currently I go through a ton of disposable latex gloves each month, but that's a work around for the old standby of OCD- constant handwashing.
I hardly ever put bleach on my skin anymore, and not only are my hands not constantly dry and cracked- I can rub them together under running water, and they don't suds up even without soap!

I miss being able to travel, being able to pet the family dogs without gloves on (no love without the glove), and having people physically present in my life that share my interests, but I've managed to end up in a spot where I'm actually pretty content overall.

Just had a thought- I'm a nut, but I'm a nut who's found their shell. ;)

That is so bonkers! I feel like I don't even have 90% of those options where I live - I'm from North Dakota and while I don't exactly live in the stone age, therapy is mostly pretty traditional. The last therapist I was seeing actually was a school therapist at the counseling center and she was pretty nice I guess. Your therapist sounds great though.

Modern pharmaceuticals are great except also I can be really weird about them and either forget to take them or just become convinced that I don't need them. Bipolar people are notoriously inconsistent with their medications and I am honestly not an exception.

My OCD is kind of different because I am a spiteful bitch so I just sort of force myself to do things that I am nervous about. I am actually finishing up a degree in microbiology, a lot because I enjoy the material but partly out of spite. Learning about how my body fights off germs and how bacteria actually work helps....up to a point, anyway. I still get irrational fears of 'toxins' in my food sometimes and I still always think about what I eat but it's better a lot of the time. Though I recently started tracking my food due to dieting and I've probably gotten a little too into that but what can you do. I had disordered eating patterns anyway so w/e

I still get nervous around kids but I try not to be because I do really love kids so whenever my young nephews and cousins are around me I just try to be really kind and remind myself that I am not dangerous. Still sometimes it is hard but what can you do :/

Australian here, I guess I'm lucky enough to live in an area where there are a lot of options. I almost also tried sound therapy- but I can't remember which note I'm supposed to hear more of. And when I got to the point where I had trouble just leaving my bed, I had phone sessions with a guy in the Canary Islands.

At some points I was ready to consider surgery, I was led to understand that's only an option in the US. (Burning out parts of your brain? Extreme, but when it feels like your brain is your worst enemy.....)

I was starting to get forgetful with taking my meds, so we trialed going med-free. Not, Doing. That. Again. Behaviours I thought I'd kicked were back, "Oh hello depressive episodes- I'd almost forgotten how much I didn't miss you..."

For so many years,I was locked into routine, that now I've gone completely the other way. A year off meds got me to start at least one routine. Set up an alarm. It goes off, I say "Pill time! :)" and take my meds.

But then, I've always had a hard time understanding people who refuse medication. Hell, my chiatrist is always ready to fully explain any meds he thinks will help, and he's barely into an explanation before I'm "You think this will help? Sure, write out a script, let's give this a whirl. fuck yeah, modern pharmaceuticals! But then, most therapies left me worse off, medication- to go back to the metaphor- the dragon doesn't mind meds, I don't get stomped on for them, and it makes the dragon less grumpy.

As for harming.... well, I'd usually say that wasn't a thing for me- but my brain did used to dwell on our cat, those slender legs..... but I loved that cat. (Our heads fit together like puzzle pieces.) And for me, our four-footers have always been family, to the point where little me would have to stop and think about why they weren't counted when you were saying how many people are in your family. "Why don't we count the dogs too? They're part of the family."

What can you do. Just keep going. (And if possible mainline stand-up comedy videos until you're forced to stop because you're laughing so hard you're having trouble breathing and one more joke might finish you off. Smile therapy and laughter therapy are things, but I prefer medication, and for that- something like an Adam Hills dvd is my pill.)

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Prompt Post #6

Re: OCD Matt Murdock, blasphemy obsessions

Re: OCD Matt Murdock, blasphemy obsessions

Re: OCD Matt Murdock, blasphemy obsessions

Re: OCD Matt Murdock, blasphemy obsessions

Re: OCD Matt Murdock, blasphemy obsessions

Re: OCD Matt Murdock, blasphemy obsessions

Re: OCD Matt Murdock, blasphemy obsessions

Re: OCD Matt Murdock, blasphemy obsessions

Re: OCD Matt Murdock, blasphemy obsessions

Re: OCD Matt Murdock, blasphemy obsessions