daredevilkink | Prompt Post #6

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Prompt Post #6

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holy smokes, thank you so much for all the comments. wow. and oh man, you guys are all really excited about the actual happy part of this aren’t you… aaaaand here is a completely unrelated reminder that this is only part one of six. so, ah, don’t throw things at me yet. look! a title!

Matt lies there, fucked-open and aching and tired, wrung out like an old kitchen rag. There is a horrible, wet noise coming from somewhere. It takes him a moment to realize it’s him, gasping for air.

He hauls himself upwards on the sodden sheets, folds in on himself until his forehead presses against his knee, and chokes and chokes and chokes.

“-- breathe, please, holy mother of god, Matt, you need to breathe,” a voice says, and Matt slams back into his awareness of the room, the rumpled bed, the smell of sex between his thighs, the cool air leeching in through the glass panes of the window, Foggy standing over him, hands hovering in the air. Still there.

Matt takes a long, desperate, inhale from between his knees, and Foggy whispers, “That’s it, that’s good, Matt, keep breathing, please, take another breath.”

He does. And another one. And another.

“Okay, okay,” Foggy says. “That’s it, you’re okay.”

Eventually, he can only hear a damp hitch on every third breath or so. He wraps his hands around the back of his neck, curled tightly in on himself, and listens to the mechanics of his own body echo back at him. The flaws in the system, heartbeat pounding away.

“Matt? You with me?”

I don’t know, he thinks, dully.

“You gotta tell me what you need, buddy, please.”

Matt’s throat is a vice. He doesn’t know how to say it, how to ask Foggy this: just stay, don’t leave me, please. Not now.

There is the sound of softness brushing against the floor, and then something light and fluffy is dropped over Matt’s bare shoulders. He flinches under the gentle weight. It smells like dryer sheets and herbal shampoo: Foggy’s blanket.

Matt’s knee grows damp.

“Please,” Foggy repeats from above him. “Talk to me. I don’t know -- “ His breath catches. Matt’s fingernails sink into the back of his own neck. “Tell me what I can do. Can I -- is it okay if I touch you? You don’t --”

“Yes,” Matt says hoarsely. “Please.”

Foggy breathes out, a rushing whoosh of air. “Okay.” The mattress shifts as he sits down gingerly next to him, radiating warmth and worry. “This okay?”

Matt nods without lifting his head.

“Okay,” Foggy says again, and gives a quiet, soggy laugh. “Sorry. I don’t know what to say.”

That’s fair, Matt thinks with bitter humor. Foggy clears his throat, shifts, shoulder barely brushing his own. “I really am sorry, Matt.”

“No,” Matt whimpers. “No, Foggy, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean --” He claws his fingers into his skin.

“Hey, hey --” Foggy says, laying a hand gently over Matt’s. “None of that. Don’t, please.” Carefully, he urges Matt’s hands down. “C’mon, buddy, I know you don’t need your eyes free but I’d kinda like to see your face.”

Matt resists for half a second before going limp, letting Foggy unfold him, pulling his crumpled body back open and carefully tilting his chin towards him. He breathes harshly, face held in Foggy’s hands.

A thumb brushes tenderly under his eye. Leaves his skin dry.

“Okay,” Foggy says softly. “Come here. I got you, Murdock.”

He tugs Matt into his arms, a heavy, solid presence around his shoulders, and holds him there. Matt tucks his face into the side of Foggy’s neck and just breathes. “It’s all right,” Foggy murmurs in his ear. “It’s all gonna be fine, I promise, you’re all right, I’m here,” and Matt sinks against him. “Here we go,” Foggy says, and guides Matt, more fluid than deadweight, like a dozing cat, to rest on on his lap. Gentle, blunt fingers begin running through his hair, starting up an even tempo that Matt can follow amidst the rhythms around him: the stroke of a hand, the pull of air into Foggy’s lungs, his own heartbeat calming down. Matt sighs, presses his face against Foggy’s thigh. Keeps breathing.

He doesn’t know how long they sit there, his sense of time gone sodden and sluggish. Foggy keeps talking, a steady whisper of I’m so sorry and it’s okay and you’re all right that washes over him. Outside, the city rumbles on, and Matt lets Foggy’s voice drown it out. I’m here, I’m here, I’m here. Until he falls into silence, holding him.

“You really scared me, buddy,” Foggy says eventually, voice broaching the darkness, petting Matt’s hair with one broad hand. “Look, we don’t have to talk about this right now, but that really got out of hand, and I don’t know why -- I mean, I would’ve stopped sooner, if I’d known. You know that, right?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Matt mutters against Foggy’s thigh. His voice is hoarse. “I could’ve -- I’m sorry, I could’ve handled it, I didn’t mean to --”

“Of course it matters,” Foggy says slowly. His hand falls still. “Of course it matters that I’ll stop.”

“It’s fine,” Matt says tiredly, but Foggy’s hand doesn’t resume its gentle pattern.

“Matt?” He asks slowly, and like watching the horizon fall before a tidal wave, Matt can feel his muscles start to tense beneath him. “What do you mean you ‘could’ve handled it’? You don’t need to handle it, you know that, right, if you don’t like it we can just stop, it’s not a big deal...”

Matt shakes his head. “I know that,” he says. “But it’s fine, I’m fine. I can handle it. I didn’t mean to make you stop. We didn’t need to stop, I just needed to get control of myself. I’m sorry. I can do --” and he tries to stop himself, he does, tries to swallow the word back down, knows how it sounds, stupid and childish and “-- better.”

There is a long moment of silence. Foggy’s hand pulls away from him.

“It’s not a test,” he says, voice rough. “You’re not supposed to -- wait, did you think -- ”

Foggy scrambles out from under him with a sudden jerk and Matt fumbles, harshly alert, catching himself with the heels of his hands on the mattress as Foggy stands up abruptly. He backs away from the bed.

“Have you done this before?” Foggy asks, voice shaking. Matt’s heart hammers. “Pushed it even though you were uncomfortable, I mean? Not used your safeword when you wanted to stop?”

He says nothing.

“Oh, god.” Foggy doubles over, one hand pressing against his stomach like he’s been wounded.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t--”

“Stop apologising to me, please, god,” Foggy moans, and Matt’s teeth click shut. “Did I -- what did I do?” he pleads. “Did I pressure you? Did I say something to make you think --”

“You didn’t do anything,” Matt cuts him off quickly. He straightens up, tries to find some stability on the sheets cooling rapidly in the loss of Foggy’s warmth. The blanket slips from his shoulders. Lifts a hand, and drops it back down, uselessly. “It isn’t your fault, Foggy.”

“But you didn’t feel safe,” Foggy says, voice cracking, pulse racing. “This whole time you were just -- I never wanted you to -- god, I fucked up.”

“No,” Matt says shakily.

“No, I did, shit,” Foggy says. “I didn’t -- fuck -- and I just kept demanding you tell me a color, and making you give me an answer right away, what the fuck is wrong with me? I thought… I thought it’d be better, if you just told me what you were feeling, didn’t talk yourself out of saying no. But then you were just telling me what you thought I wanted to hear, weren’t you? Instead of giving you time to think about what you actually wanted, fuck, fuck, fuck--”

“I’m sorry,” Matt echoes helplessly, eyes stinging.

“You’re sorry,“ Foggy repeats hollowly. “You’re sorry and I -- “ he cuts himself off. “And I really shouldn’t be yelling at you right now, oh, hell.”

“It’s fine,” Matt says, voice small.

“It’s really, really not,” Foggy says. There is a swish of air as he runs a hand through his hair. Drags a deep, measured breath into his lungs. “Okay. Okay. I’m sorry, I’m doing this all wrong. We gotta talk about this, but not right now. Right now I’m just gonna sit back down, okay? Is that all right?”

Matt nods. The mattress squeaks as Foggy settles himself back down, and Matt forces his hands to stay in his lap.

“Hey,” Foggy says, and his voice is much softer. The bed creaks again as he leans back against the pillows, twisting to face Matt. “I’m not mad at you, okay? We have some stuff to talk about but I’m not mad at you and I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay.”

“Oh, Matty,” Foggy says, and soft hands are on him, drawing him back down towards Foggy’s warmth. Matt goes. He buries his face against the slope of Foggy’s chest and Foggy’s hand comes back, brushes back his sweat-dampened hair. “I’m sorry, I shouldn't have done that. Lemme just take care of you for now,” he says. “Whatever you need. I’ll get some water, get you cleaned up.”

“In a minute, please? Please, just --”

Foggy swallows hard. “In a minute, yeah. We got time. I’m not going anywhere.”

His arm fits around Matt’s body, presses his mouth against Matt’s hair in a careful kiss, and Matt can feel the current of his breath as he speaks.

“I'm so sorry," he whispers, warm against Matt's skin. "But I got you now, okay?"

Matt squeezes his eyes closed.

"I got you," Foggy says, voice resounding into the night.

These poor avocados. ;_;

Aaaa, oh god. I can't wait to see how they end up working this out. I feel so bad for both of them. :(

This is so good.

You broke my heart for Matt, now you break my heart for Foggy. I'm just walking round with a chest full of heart shards now. It hurts and it's wonderful and I'm waiting very patiently for the rest.

oh goshhhh i love this fic so so much. i feel so bad for both of them, but i'm also really happy that they have each other. ugh. such lovely writing, honestly. i can't wait for the next part <3

(also - good title is good)

ahaaa, halsey. i'm glad that this fandom in general has latched onto "hold me down" and other related titles.

on another note, though: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME. this is so good? it made me feel almost like i was there in that room too feeling all of the same bad vibes both matt and foggy are giving off? like, this chapter was really specifically painful to read because it gave me that uneasy feeling in my stomach that something far worse would happen or that they would get into a fight (thank god they didn't, though) and i'm just so here for it not being any one particular character's fault but they're both equally beating up themselves over what happened? foggy's upset because he thinks he should've taken matt's nonverbal cues better and matt's upset because he safeworded even though he could have "taken more" and ANON YOU ARE KILLING MEEEEEE

*throws money* There, take all my money and never stop writing, I'd like to commission 10k words of this glorious angsty terribad sex!fail.

I would like to join you in this commissioning. Do you think author!anon would accept a Kickstarter fund?

this fic is honestly everything that i love <3

This fic is literally all I need in life. I can't wait to read more!

ahhhh moar please? <3

This- oh god I'm tearing up-- this is SO GOOD. Like, Foggy's reactions to Matt are so. Fucking. Important and spot on for their characters and UGH I love this so much.

I really hate to ask because I know authors go at their own pace and I don't mean to rush you or anything like that, I'm just wondering whether you're still about author!anon, and whether you're planning to continue this? I love it so so much and I really hope there's more to come, but if not I want to thank you for what you've given us here. It's really damn amazing, and so hot it's a bit unreal. whether it continues or not, I'll probably have it permanently open in my tabs for a very long time....

NA

Ahaha, I was going to post almost this exact message on Friday. You beat me to it. :)

Author!anon, I heartily agree with everything above!anon said. This fic is wonderful.

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Prompt Post #6

Re: [FILL] 1c/6, told me i was holy (got me down on both knees)

Re: [FILL] 1c/6, told me i was holy (got me down on both knees)

Re: [FILL] 1c/6, told me i was holy (got me down on both knees)

Re: [FILL] 1c/6, told me i was holy (got me down on both knees)

Re: [FILL] 1c/6, told me i was holy (got me down on both knees)

Re: [FILL] 1c/6, told me i was holy (got me down on both knees)

Re: [FILL] 1c/6, told me i was holy (got me down on both knees)

Re: [FILL] 1c/6, told me i was holy (got me down on both knees)

Re: [FILL] 1c/6, told me i was holy (got me down on both knees)

Re: [FILL] 1c/6, told me i was holy (got me down on both knees)

Re: [FILL] 1c/6, told me i was holy (got me down on both knees)

Re: [FILL] 1c/6, told me i was holy (got me down on both knees)

Re: [FILL] 1c/6, told me i was holy (got me down on both knees)

Re: [FILL] 1c/6, told me i was holy (got me down on both knees)

Re: [FILL] 1c/6, told me i was holy (got me down on both knees)