daredevilkink | Prompt Post #4

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Prompt Post #4

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... except not just the pregnant ones.

I'd like to see him with way too much information about female cycles, thanks to body scent.

("Steer clear of Karen. She's PMSing hard today.")

No, Claire, we can't have sex today. You ovulated like, yesterday, and abstinence is the only 100% way to do birth control so I'd just rather not risk it okay? okay

Dude, I feel like Matt would be the absolute worst about that??

Like, does he have incredibly strong opinions about pads vs tampons because of his senses? Does he (stupidly) dismiss legit anger as "just PMSing" because he can smell the blood and is a cis man in canon? Inquiring minds!

“Steer clear of Karen,” Matt whispered, leaning over with one hand on Foggy’s desk. “She’s PMSing hard today.”

Foggy choked on his coffee.

“Whoa,” Matt said, patting his back. “Are you o--”

“What the fuck?”

Matt blinked, withdrawing his hand. “What--”

“Why--” Foggy sputtered, then looked to the shut door, remembering Karen might hear them. He lowered his voice and hissed, “Why the hell would you tell me that? That’s--that’s so creepy.”

Matt frowned. “Periods are natural, Foggy, stop acting like a child.”

“I’m not grossed out by the existence of periods, Matt! I’m grossed out that you somehow know when your employee is on her period, and for some reason felt the need to share this with me. Do you realize what a--what a creepy invasion of privacy that is? Jesus Christ.”

“Look, it’s not like I found out on purpose. I just smelled--”

“OH MY GOD,” Foggy yelled, slamming his hands over his ears. “Do not finish that sentence. I don’t want to know what you smelled, Matt. That is so, so creepy.”

Matt scowled, leaning back against the wall with his arms crossed. “Don’t you think you’re being a little melodramatic?”

“How do you think Karen would feel? Knowing you know this weird stuff about her, and you’re telling me about it?”

“I think she would appreciate that I’m trying to be considerate of her.”

Foggy scoffed. “If I didn’t know any better, I would swear you’ve never talked to a human being in your life.”

“It’s biology, Foggy. When you’ve got a bunch of crazy hormones rushing through your body, you need a little sensitivity from the people around you. So what if I know? That just means I know when to give women space and when to treat them extra nicely. Who is that hurting?”

“Yeah, why would you ever need somebody’s input before deciding what’s best for them? That’s the old Murdock spirit.”

Matt’s eyebrows knit in a way that meant he was probably glaring behind his sunglasses. “It’s what works, okay? No woman I’ve known has ever complained about me being considerate when she’s on her period. Not girlfriends, or co-workers, or the nuns--”

“Nuns? You spied on the periods of NUNS?”

“Now you’re just intentionally making me sound like some kind of pervert.” He heard Foggy start typing on his computer. “What are you doing?”

“Looking up the Pope’s phone number. I’m telling on you, Matt, and you’re gonna get excommunicated.”

“You are ridiculous.”

“Says the guy who tracked the menstrual cycles of nuns. That’s unholy.”

“You’re not even Catholic!”

“And yet I have more respect for nuns than you do. What does that say about your alleged faith, huh?”

“I’m going to hit you.”

“Try it, buddy, I’ll tell the Pope about that too!”

A tentative knock sounded on the door.

Foggy looked at the door guiltily, then glared at Matt and said, “Come on in, Karen.”

She did, looking quizzically at the both of them. “Hey...I heard yelling. Everything okay?”

“Super!” Foggy chirped, not quite able to look at her.

“Yeah,” Matt said more calmly. He set his briefcase down on Foggy’s desk and pulled out a small paper bag. “By the way, my grocery delivery came in and it looks like I accidentally bought some chocolates. I don’t really like this kind, but I thought you might, Karen.”

“Oh.” She smiled, still looking confused as she took the bag. “Well, thanks, Matt. That’s sweet.”

Foggy snorted contemptuously.

Karen looked between both men with her eyebrows raised, but no one looked like they were about to offer any answers. “...Okay. Well...I’m going out to lunch, if you guys don’t need me here.”

“Go ahead,” Matt said, at the same time Foggy said, “Yeah. Sure, fine.”

Karen shut the door, muttering “Weirdos,” quietly enough that only Matt could hear it.

“You’re a menace,” Foggy said, glaring at Matt.

“There is never a bad reason to give someone free chocolate, Foggy.”

“You know, before today, I would have agreed.”

Matt took another paper bag from his briefcase. “Does that mean you don’t want this box of your favorite chocolate chip cookies that ‘accidentally’ ended up in my groceries?”

Foggy crossed his arms, watching the bag for a long moment before snatching it. “I’ll eat them, but I won’t be happy about it.”

“Yeah, yeah. You can tell the Pope all about it.”

This is perfection. I loved their voices.

Thanks! Glad you like it. :)

OP here and I am just dying of laughter like I got to the part about the nuns and I just had to shut my laptop for a few minutes to catch my breath

this is gold, you are gold

Aw, thanks! I'm so glad this worked for you. <3

Oh my God. Oh my God. Looking up the Pope’s phone number. I’m telling on you, Matt, and you’re gonna get excommunicated. That was incredible. I don't usually put fics this short in my recs, but this is SO going in.

Oh my god, you have no idea how flattered I am. Thank you so much!

I am dying of laughter, oh god, send help!

Haha, glad you like it!

OMG, this is hilarious and I love it. Oh, Foggs, you're too perfect.

Thank you, glad you liked it!

As someone who gets a period on a regular basis, I definitely agree with Matt. It would be great to have a friend be like; okay I know this next week is gonna be hell for you and you'll probably act really emotional so I'll do my best to help. Am I the only one who thinks that?

On a more disturbing note, does that mean that Matt can tell when a guy is trans even if they don't nessecarily want him to? And what about other lgbt+ crap? Can he tell when someone's attracted to someone else of their own gender, and would that be a good or bad thing? I mean, with someone else, it may be, but this is Matt, who I think we all believe is very accepting? I may prompt that later, heads up.

Yes! I totally agree with you! I would love for a friend who would be more sympathetic without having to say anything, because sometimes the worst thing when you're one mistake away from crying and trying really hard not to drop to the floor and curl in on yourself in the middle of the hall because it hurts so bad is to have to tell everyone you feel like shit. Because pretending you're fine and force of will are the only things keeping you on your feet.

Sorry if that was over sharing, guys. But yeah. I feel like the people who'd say Matt was sexist or w/e would be the jerks in that instance.

Nice fill, Anon!

Author anon - Thanks! Glad you like it.

Author Anon - Thanks for reading. :) Yeah, I think Matt has the best of intentions as usual, but his execution is somewhat lacking. For one, telling Foggy about Karen's period without her permission is kind of a dick move. Plus I think Foggy is just really tired of all the lies, so this fairly innocuous one about the chocolate is just the straw that broke the camel's back.

It's so funny and sweet that I couldn't help myself but laugh all the time :3
Do you mind being translated into Russian (with all credits and links, of course)? I want to share your story with my russian-speaking friends, so they can enjoy it as much as I am.

Author anon - Aw, thanks! Go ahead, I have no problem with that. I'm really flattered. :D

This is brilliant! XD

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Prompt Post #4

Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women

Re: Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women

Re: Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women

[Minifill] Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women

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Re: [Minifill] Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women

Re: [Minifill] Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women

Re: [Minifill] Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women

Re: [Minifill] Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women

Re: [Minifill] Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women

Re: [Minifill] Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women

Re: [Minifill] Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women

Re: [Minifill] Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women

Re: [Minifill] Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women

Re: [Minifill] Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women

Re: [Minifill] Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women

Re: [Minifill] Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women

Re: [Minifill] Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women

Re: [Minifill] Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women

Re: [Minifill] Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women

Re: [Minifill] Matt invades the privacy of more unsuspecting women