daredevilkink | Discussion/Off-Topic Post #1

My kink discovery was a two-fold sort of process.

It was fanfiction that actually made me comfortable with sex and sexuality - with reading about it and with identifying what turns me on and doesn't and my fantasies. Before fanfiction, I never would have considered slash or any of the really kinky stuff I read now. And every time I think I've got it figured out, I feel like I read a new fic that makes be be like "Hello! That's now a thing. Huh."

However, on the actual IRL side of things, it took me a long, long time to realize that I'm actually ace. And that having private fantasies and being turned on was different than being at all interested ever in enacting them or even wanting to be with another person that way at all. That's my actual (non)kink in practice, and it took watching the awesome documentary (A)Sexual, going onto the Aven forums, and unfortunately a lot of really, truly epically bad sexual experiences for me to figure that out. Because that is one sexual thing that is essentially never portrayed in the media at all for people to be able to have that aha! moment (unless it's, like, the Big Bang Theory, and then it's unfortunately portrayed as abnormal or as a symptom of a larger mental illness such as autism or social anxiety disorder. And don't even get me started on how virginity-shaming plays into all of that). So yeah...

Not exactly the answer you were probably looking for, but I wanted to share it anyway.

And just to head off anything that people want to comment on about me stating that I can both be turned on and have kinks and be ace, or ace being a kink... well, think what you want. Agree to disagree I guess.

But lots of ace people still masturbate or have private fantasies that they have no interest in actually fulfilling, especially if they're not sex-repulsed. And while being ace is not really a kink per se, it's certainly outside the sexual norm. That's my take on it at least.

.... Huh.

I think you just helped me figure out I might also be Ace, anon.

(Every single thing I've read on asexuality is like "You are never turned on, ever" and I'm like: "But what if you still don't want to have sex with anyone????")

AYRT - :D

That's also why it took me so long to understand it too. For years I felt that I didn't fit in the ace category, and I let people convince me that I just hadn't met the right person yet, or that there must be something medically wrong, or that I needed to just be drunk enough or high enough or relaxed enough and eventually, like magic, I'd suddenly get it.

And then I talked to some other ace people and watched the documentary. And there are plenty of ace people who aren't sex-repulsed or only enjoy sex as a pure fantasy. It kickstarted a journey of self-acceptance and understanding that I'm really grateful for.

So I'm glad to have helped you realize that. Welcome to the club!

Hey fellow ace person with kinks and fantasies. Sex for sex's sake doesn't really do much for me and mostly just bores me. That said, I've been lucky to find the occasional partner who gets that about me and is happy to engage in kink-without-sex. I personally find RP, bondage and a bit of D/s can be pretty fun without needing to be about sex (with someone who's okay with that too, of course).

Welp, that's a lot of over-sharing and I would only do so anonymously.

To answer OP, fic helped a lot, so did the occasional relationship, but I am definitely still hashing it out. I had inklings from pretty early TV and stuff, usually whenever the villain would get the upper hand over the hero/es. Yep, I get it now.

Discussion/Off-Topic Post #1

Re: Kink discovery

Re: Kink discovery

Re: Kink discovery

Re: Kink discovery

Re: Kink discovery