Foggy didn’t question when his dad insisted on coming back to campus with them, but Matt could tell he was nervous and uncertain. So far, on the subway ride back to campus Foggy was shuffling, tapping his fingers, and flicking his head back and forth. Every time he turned his head, Matt could hear his hair brush across his shoulders. Matt understood Foggy’s anxiousness (after all, imagine if your father insisted on going to your place of study with no explanation) but Matt couldn’t help but feel irritated.
“Foggy, please, would you stop fiddling,” Matt brought his hand up to his temple. He was already developing a headache, he hated the subway. The smell of greasy pizza, homeless people, and the various noises (like the man ranting about extraterrestrials three cars over) didn’t make for the best environment with his super senses.
“How did you know I was fiddling?”
“I can hear your pants shuffling, your tapping against the subway rail isn’t helping either,” The moment Matt said it Foggy stopped drumming his fingers.
Foggy and Matt were standing right next to each other on the busy train car, Edward managed to finagle a seat somewhere a few feet away from them (he said something about his back.)
“Matt…I’ve been respecting the whole thing that went on between you and my dad back at the family apartment, but the fact I don’t know what the hell is going on really doesn’t bode well for my nerves,” Foggy leaned in toward Matt. “This might be overstepping, but…can we play the yes or no, game?”
The yes or no game was something Foggy made up to get Matt to admit things a while back. The concept was like this: Foggy asks questions, and Matt answers yes or no. Apparently, Foggy had come up with the idea after he’d come to the realization that Matt really didn’t like discussing his problems…so the yes or no game was a perfect solution. Foggy would get to know what was going on, Matt only had to say two different words.
Matt gave a slight nod, and he could hear Foggy’s broad smile.
“Okay,” Foggy lowered is his voice. “So…does this have to do with school?”
Matt furrowed his brow, well, sort of, “In a way.”
Foggy made a series of high and low notes that indicated he was upset with the answer but would not directly comment on it. Matt wasn’t entirely sure whether this series of notes was actually loud enough for anybody but his super-ears to hear.
“Relationship problems?”
“Sort of.”
Foggy made the series of notes again, “A girl?”
“No.” There was a pause, “A boy?”
“Yes.”
“Do I know him?”
“Yes…” Matt closed his eyes. It didn’t do anything for him, not really, but gave him a sense of security.
Foggy noticed and gripped Matt’s arm, “Did he hurt you?”
“Yes,” Matt heard Foggy’s heart get higher.
“Was this a one time thing?”
“No.”
“Has this been going on for a few days?”
“More,” Matt said. Foggy didn’t comment on the deviation from the rules.
“Weeks?”
“Yes.”
“How did he hurt you, Matt?” Foggy’s voice cracked.
“That’s not a yes or no question, Foggy.”
“Was it physical?”
“Yes.”
“Emotional?”
“Yes.”
“Is it more than that?”
“Yes.”
“Was it sexual?”
Matt just nodded this time. He didn’t want to talk anymore.
“Did somebody…did somebody rape you?”
“M-Maybe. I don’t know. I’m not- I don’t know.”
“I know him…” Foggy gripped Matt’s arm harder. Matt startled and Foggy said sorry and let go. “I know him, I didn’t, how did I not notice this? I fucking know him,” Foggy mumbled to himself. “Is he a classmate?”
“No.”
“A…a professor?” Matt could still hear Foggy’s heart rate steadily rising.
“Yes…”
“Professor Burke.”
“Yes, Foggy,” Matt’s eyes began to water but he quickly rubbed at them. They were at the subway for god’s sake he couldn’t break down now. He wasn’t weak. Stick taught him to be strong. He wasn’t weak, he couldn’t be weak.
“Fuck, I said the guy was a creep I should have kept you away from him, I should have fucking known,” Foggy rubbed at his temples and took three breaths. “Fuck, are we reporting him? Is that what’s happening? How did my dad manage to get it out of you? God, I’m sorry, Matt.”
“You don’t need to be sorry, none of this is your fault.” Matt cleared his throat in an effort to sound less emotional. “I’ll file a report with your dad, he’ll help me…he saw some things, I had to explain. Bruises.”
“I’m gonna fucking kill Burke if I see him. I’m going to rip his throat out if I see him.”
“Your dad will help me. You don’t have to be a part of this.” “What if I want to be a part of it?”
Matt shook his head. He didn’t want Foggy getting involved, that would only make things harder. “You can deal with the fallout, you’re my roommate and best friend, but…well, I don’t want you getting involved with the semantics of the situation it’s complicated enough I don’t want to add assault charges against you on the plate.”
“Okay, okay, I’ll be there for you, Matt. Forever.”
_
After they got to campus Matt felt like he was in a bubble.
Things happened around him, he spoke to various people. Went to the Dean’s office, went to a station, went to the clinic even and had his blood drawn. There were cold hands, and concerned voices, angry voices as well. He answered all the questions honestly.
They were in the clinic now.
“We’ll be testing for various sexually transmitted diseases Mr. Murdock,” A young women was speaking to him. No one else was in the room. Did he send Foggy and Edward out? Is Foggy back at the dorm? He couldn’t remember. “I was told you have bruises? Is it alright if I see those?”
Matt nodded and held out his arms, “Edward Nelson told me I have bruises on my wrist. I’m not sure where else.”
“Not sure?”
“I’m blind, I can guess where some bruises are based on feeling but I can’t be certain whether they’re visible,” Matt explained and gestured to his glasses.
The young women hummed and her heart rate spiked, she’s embarrassed, Matt guessed she wasn’t aware of that, “Ok, well if you’ll take your shirt off I can check for any injuries that might be of concern.”
Matt didn’t argue, and then zoned out again. His movements were robotic. He answered more questions, listened to more sympathizing voices. Somebody recommended therapy and he declined.
Edward was back.
“How are you feeling, Matt?”
“Like…like I’m not real,” Matt admitted.
“Care to explain that?”
“I feel like I’m just going through motions I don’t even remember, I don’t remember most of the day I’ve just been on some sort of autopilot.”
Matt had various dissociative traits when he got stressed. He’d noticed it before, a few times training with Stick when he’d let the devil out. Other times when he simply didn’t care for the world around him.
“Well I spoke with your Dean, and he’s immediately taken Burke out of the system for now, as a safety measure. You spoke to him too, you don’t remember that?”
Matt’s mind went back to it, yes, he remembered, “I have to come back tomorrow for an official hearing.” They were going to review Burke’s status as a professor at the school. It was closed, a mediation.
Nobody else would know about it, Burke would be quietly filed away.
“I don’t think you should go through arbitration, Matt. I think it’s important people know who Burke is, and what he’s done…You should go through a traditional court hearing.”
“My condition is that Burke can’t teach, not ever again, I want that on his record- but I don’t want to go through a court hearing, Mr. Nelson. I can’t do that.”
“So you’ll just wave your right to a trial? Just like that? Let the school keep it under wraps?” Matt could tell Edward was appealing to Matt’s inherit need for justice.
But he still wanted to go through arbitration. It was faster that way, they’d settle the dispute, he was certain that the Deans at Columbia would make sure Sam never taught again. He was certain of it, and that’s all he wanted. He didn’t need to see Sam dragged through the mud, he didn’t need Columbia to fall with it. He just needed peace.
“What each of us must come to realize is that our intent always comes through. We cannot sugarcoat the feelings in our heart of hearts. The emotion is the energy that motivates. We cannot ignore what we really want to create. We should be honest and do it the way we feel it. What we owe to ourselves and everyone around is to examine the reasons of our true intent,” Matt said. “What is the quality of my intent? My intent will be evident in the results. Burke will never get a job again, he’ll be alone, and shamed, I’ll be free of him. I don’t need any more than that, I don’t need any more.”
Edward was stunned silent, “Did you just quote someone?”
Fill: Daddy Issues 4/?
“Foggy, please, would you stop fiddling,” Matt brought his hand up to his temple. He was already developing a headache, he hated the subway. The smell of greasy pizza, homeless people, and the various noises (like the man ranting about extraterrestrials three cars over) didn’t make for the best environment with his super senses.
“How did you know I was fiddling?”
“I can hear your pants shuffling, your tapping against the subway rail isn’t helping either,” The moment Matt said it Foggy stopped drumming his fingers.
Foggy and Matt were standing right next to each other on the busy train car, Edward managed to finagle a seat somewhere a few feet away from them (he said something about his back.)
“Matt…I’ve been respecting the whole thing that went on between you and my dad back at the family apartment, but the fact I don’t know what the hell is going on really doesn’t bode well for my nerves,” Foggy leaned in toward Matt. “This might be overstepping, but…can we play the yes or no, game?”
The yes or no game was something Foggy made up to get Matt to admit things a while back. The concept was like this: Foggy asks questions, and Matt answers yes or no. Apparently, Foggy had come up with the idea after he’d come to the realization that Matt really didn’t like discussing his problems…so the yes or no game was a perfect solution. Foggy would get to know what was going on, Matt only had to say two different words.
Matt gave a slight nod, and he could hear Foggy’s broad smile.
“Okay,” Foggy lowered is his voice. “So…does this have to do with school?”
Matt furrowed his brow, well, sort of, “In a way.”
Foggy made a series of high and low notes that indicated he was upset with the answer but would not directly comment on it. Matt wasn’t entirely sure whether this series of notes was actually loud enough for anybody but his super-ears to hear.
“Relationship problems?”
“Sort of.”
Foggy made the series of notes again, “A girl?”
“No.”
There was a pause, “A boy?”
“Yes.”
“Do I know him?”
“Yes…” Matt closed his eyes. It didn’t do anything for him, not really, but gave him a sense of security.
Foggy noticed and gripped Matt’s arm, “Did he hurt you?”
“Yes,” Matt heard Foggy’s heart get higher.
“Was this a one time thing?”
“No.”
“Has this been going on for a few days?”
“More,” Matt said. Foggy didn’t comment on the deviation from the rules.
“Weeks?”
“Yes.”
“How did he hurt you, Matt?” Foggy’s voice cracked.
“That’s not a yes or no question, Foggy.”
“Was it physical?”
“Yes.”
“Emotional?”
“Yes.”
“Is it more than that?”
“Yes.”
“Was it sexual?”
Matt just nodded this time. He didn’t want to talk anymore.
“Did somebody…did somebody rape you?”
“M-Maybe. I don’t know. I’m not- I don’t know.”
“I know him…” Foggy gripped Matt’s arm harder. Matt startled and Foggy said sorry and let go. “I know him, I didn’t, how did I not notice this? I fucking know him,” Foggy mumbled to himself. “Is he a classmate?”
“No.”
“A…a professor?” Matt could still hear Foggy’s heart rate steadily rising.
“Yes…”
“Professor Burke.”
“Yes, Foggy,” Matt’s eyes began to water but he quickly rubbed at them. They were at the subway for god’s sake he couldn’t break down now. He wasn’t weak. Stick taught him to be strong. He wasn’t weak, he couldn’t be weak.
“Fuck, I said the guy was a creep I should have kept you away from him, I should have fucking known,” Foggy rubbed at his temples and took three breaths. “Fuck, are we reporting him? Is that what’s happening? How did my dad manage to get it out of you? God, I’m sorry, Matt.”
“You don’t need to be sorry, none of this is your fault.” Matt cleared his throat in an effort to sound less emotional. “I’ll file a report with your dad, he’ll help me…he saw some things, I had to explain. Bruises.”
“I’m gonna fucking kill Burke if I see him. I’m going to rip his throat out if I see him.”
“Your dad will help me. You don’t have to be a part of this.”
“What if I want to be a part of it?”
Matt shook his head. He didn’t want Foggy getting involved, that would only make things harder. “You can deal with the fallout, you’re my roommate and best friend, but…well, I don’t want you getting involved with the semantics of the situation it’s complicated enough I don’t want to add assault charges against you on the plate.”
“Okay, okay, I’ll be there for you, Matt. Forever.”
_
After they got to campus Matt felt like he was in a bubble.
Things happened around him, he spoke to various people. Went to the Dean’s office, went to a station, went to the clinic even and had his blood drawn. There were cold hands, and concerned voices, angry voices as well. He answered all the questions honestly.
They were in the clinic now.
“We’ll be testing for various sexually transmitted diseases Mr. Murdock,” A young women was speaking to him. No one else was in the room. Did he send Foggy and Edward out? Is Foggy back at the dorm? He couldn’t remember. “I was told you have bruises? Is it alright if I see those?”
Matt nodded and held out his arms, “Edward Nelson told me I have bruises on my wrist. I’m not sure where else.”
“Not sure?”
“I’m blind, I can guess where some bruises are based on feeling but I can’t be certain whether they’re visible,” Matt explained and gestured to his glasses.
The young women hummed and her heart rate spiked, she’s embarrassed, Matt guessed she wasn’t aware of that, “Ok, well if you’ll take your shirt off I can check for any injuries that might be of concern.”
Matt didn’t argue, and then zoned out again. His movements were robotic. He answered more questions, listened to more sympathizing voices. Somebody recommended therapy and he declined.
Edward was back.
“How are you feeling, Matt?”
“Like…like I’m not real,” Matt admitted.
“Care to explain that?”
“I feel like I’m just going through motions I don’t even remember, I don’t remember most of the day I’ve just been on some sort of autopilot.”
Matt had various dissociative traits when he got stressed. He’d noticed it before, a few times training with Stick when he’d let the devil out. Other times when he simply didn’t care for the world around him.
“Well I spoke with your Dean, and he’s immediately taken Burke out of the system for now, as a safety measure. You spoke to him too, you don’t remember that?”
Matt’s mind went back to it, yes, he remembered, “I have to come back tomorrow for an official hearing.” They were going to review Burke’s status as a professor at the school. It was closed, a mediation.
Nobody else would know about it, Burke would be quietly filed away.
“I don’t think you should go through arbitration, Matt. I think it’s important people know who Burke is, and what he’s done…You should go through a traditional court hearing.”
“My condition is that Burke can’t teach, not ever again, I want that on his record- but I don’t want to go through a court hearing, Mr. Nelson. I can’t do that.”
“So you’ll just wave your right to a trial? Just like that? Let the school keep it under wraps?” Matt could tell Edward was appealing to Matt’s inherit need for justice.
But he still wanted to go through arbitration. It was faster that way, they’d settle the dispute, he was certain that the Deans at Columbia would make sure Sam never taught again. He was certain of it, and that’s all he wanted. He didn’t need to see Sam dragged through the mud, he didn’t need Columbia to fall with it. He just needed peace.
“What each of us must come to realize is that our intent always comes through. We cannot sugarcoat the feelings in our heart of hearts. The emotion is the energy that motivates. We cannot ignore what we really want to create. We should be honest and do it the way we feel it. What we owe to ourselves and everyone around is to examine the reasons of our true intent,”
Matt said. “What is the quality of my intent? My intent will be evident in the results. Burke will never get a job again, he’ll be alone, and shamed, I’ll be free of him. I don’t need any more than that, I don’t need any more.”
Edward was stunned silent, “Did you just quote someone?”
“Thurgood Marshall,” Matt smiled to himself.
Things would be okay.