(oh my god Matt so would, with the added bonus of "don't worry about me, I can handle this" but then a tangle of limbs reach out like OH NO YOU DON'T and hold him right where he is)
Now I'm laughing forever at the mental image of Simmons (because she's the expert in bio stuff) showing up at Claire's doorstep all earnest and concerned while Claire's like "no, nope, it's fine, I'm a medical professional,* nothing wrong here" with, say, hickeys all down her neck.
So okay while I super do enjoy the dreamy jump-cutting, I think what I'm missing is the pollen transfer moment/point (from Claire &/or Matt to Foggy &/or Karen, in whatever manner or combo you like), the moment where things tip over for Foggy & Karen (because it seems there's a ramp-up period for the effects of the pollen?), and maybe the moment where Claire first has an intimate interaction (of whatever kind) with Foggy &/or Karen. Threshold moments, I think I'll call them? Moments where things change, if that makes sense. And they could all be one scene or 'beat,' honestly. But those are the bits that might make this cohere a bit more?
Though, you know, that's. Just my own opinion, obvs. I'm only throwing it out there, really, since you seemed interested in more constructive feedback (?), and I'm basically happy to encourage more of this however I can. Feel free to ignore me all you like.
Re: Matt/Claire/Karen/Foggy: sex pollen, teamwork (blah blah)
(oh my god Matt so would, with the added bonus of "don't worry about me, I can handle this" but then a tangle of limbs reach out like OH NO YOU DON'T and hold him right where he is)
Now I'm laughing forever at the mental image of Simmons (because she's the expert in bio stuff) showing up at Claire's doorstep all earnest and concerned while Claire's like "no, nope, it's fine, I'm a medical professional,* nothing wrong here" with, say, hickeys all down her neck.
So okay while I super do enjoy the dreamy jump-cutting, I think what I'm missing is the pollen transfer moment/point (from Claire &/or Matt to Foggy &/or Karen, in whatever manner or combo you like), the moment where things tip over for Foggy & Karen (because it seems there's a ramp-up period for the effects of the pollen?), and maybe the moment where Claire first has an intimate interaction (of whatever kind) with Foggy &/or Karen. Threshold moments, I think I'll call them? Moments where things change, if that makes sense. And they could all be one scene or 'beat,' honestly. But those are the bits that might make this cohere a bit more?
Though, you know, that's. Just my own opinion, obvs. I'm only throwing it out there, really, since you seemed interested in more constructive feedback (?), and I'm basically happy to encourage more of this however I can. Feel free to ignore me all you like.
*still laughing at that line, incidentally.