(To the anon wondering about the AO3--never fear! When I finish, I'll repost.)
“You and Foggy are talking again.”
Matt, sprawled on his back on Claire's bed, grimaces. “I'm aware. Do you think we shouldn't?”
“I don't think it's a good idea, no. Either you're torturing him or you're torturing yourself. Unless you two are going to get back together.”
Matt shakes his head. “I would never ask him for that. And I don't think I'm torturing him. He was the one who still wanted to debate together, and he's been friendly. We still aren't eating lunch together, or spending study halls together, at least as much. I hope we're friends.”
“That answers the torturing him part of things.” Claire sighs. “Probably the torturing yourself thing too. You can tell him debating with him is a bad idea, Matt. He'll understand.”
“It would be selfish.”
“Bullshit.” Matt frowns, and Claire's desk chair squeaks, swiveling to face him. “You've got feelings for him, and even if you were a dick about things, that doesn't make them not real. If you don't want to spend time with him and make it worse, that's up to you. If wasn't selfish of him to break it off with you even though you actually want to date him now, and it's not selfish of you to back off if you need to.”
“I don't want to.”
“If you're sure.” She taps the pencil she's been doing her homework with a few times on her leg. “I'm not going to tell you not to do it, Matt, but I don't want you to end up with your heart broken.”
“I'm fine.”
“I know. You always are.” Claire laughs a little, quiet. “I should have known. You always fall hard for inconvenient people. I should be grateful it's not Elektra, I guess.”
Matt puts his hand over his face. He can't see her, but he doesn't want her seeing him either, right now. “It's not because they're inconvenient. I liked Foggy even when he was convenient. I liked Elektra because she didn't baby me. I liked you.”
“And I decided I wanted to be your friend.” Claire is gentle, even though they don't talk about it ever, and he knows she wants to pretend none of it ever happened. They're better as friends, but it doesn't erase the rough beginning. “But that doesn't really matter. Foggy was never convenient—well, he was convenient before you noticed he was around.” Matt winces, but it's a fair point. He doesn't object. “But as soon as you found out about that note and said yes anyway, he stopped being convenient.”
“You really think I shouldn't—anything, with him. Not that I would. I know he doesn't want to. I've said that.”
Claire sighs. “I'm not trying to make your decisions for you. I just know that you're on a collision course with heartbreak, here, and I think that part of you likes that.” Matt opens his mouth, but she's already continuing. “We don't have to argue about it. But you and Foggy talking again, debating with each other … be careful, if you're going to insist on doing it.”
“We're debating against Vanessa and Wesley.” She makes an encouraging noise. She knows his non sequiturs by now. “They're the ones who sent the note. I'm almost sure.”
“Okay.” There's a lot behind that, in her heartbeat and the way he knows to read the tone of her voice, but she leaves it. He's grateful. “You planning to beat them?”
“Of course.”
“You have any plans beyond that?”
“No.” He takes his arm off his face. “Not yet.”
“Right.” She gets out of her chair and comes to sit on the bed next to him, rests her hand on his chest like she does when she wants to make sure he's okay. Usually it's on days like he was having when Foggy found him in the bathroom. He doesn't know what that says about anything, but it can't be anything good. “If he breaks your heart right back, that's not tit for tat, you know? I will be fully qualified to kick his ass.”
Matt breathes out. “Thanks, Claire. I don't think it will be necessary, and I don't want him hurt anyway, but thank you for saying it.”
“Yeah, you're welcome.” She taps his chest. “Don't break your own heart either, okay? And sit up. I need to drill you on math rules.”
*
“I hear you're taking on Public Forum.”
Matt stops walking. He's heading for the front of school, to meet Karen after the school paper meeting, and he wasn't expecting Fisk to talk to him. They've avoided speaking to each other as much as possible after Fisk graduated, and after a pre-meet practice Lincoln-Douglas where they ripped each other to shreds and Owlsley benched Matt even though both of them were out of line. “Hello. Are you here to pick up Vanessa?”
“Yes. Going somewhere?”
“Just to meet Karen.” He shifts his backpack on his shoulder. “And yes. I'm taking on Public Forum, if that's the right way to phrase it. Foggy and I want to see how we work as a team.”
“Not as much prestige in that.”
“Practice for a few things I'm interested in, though.” The conversation is already getting Matt's hackles up. Fisk may be assisting with the coaching, but he doesn't have a stake in this, not really. “Any reason you ask?”
“Just making conversation.” There's always an air of menace, with Fisk. He was never a bully, precisely, when he was at school. He just took the lunch table he wanted, walked the halls like a king, never got in trouble with the administration and got people he didn't like in trouble, and nobody ever said anything about it, because no one ever figured out that he didn't have to stick kids in lockers. He got everything he wanted without it. “Foggy Nelson, though?”
Matt smiles as pleasantly as he can and keeps his cane clutched tight in one hand. “He's got plenty of killer instinct. I think it will stand us in good stead.”
“Weren't you two dating for a little while?”
“You seem to care a lot about the social lives of high schoolers. Don't you have forensics at whatever school you're at?”
“I'm mentoring.”
He's poking at Matt's bruises because they've never liked each other, and both of them know it. If Vanessa and Wesley were the ones behind the note, Fisk must know. He must have laughed, and encouraged it—maybe they wanted to humiliate Foggy, but Fisk is smart even if he plays stupid sometimes. He would have known there would be some way of hurting Matt in there too. Some chance of it. “Or you couldn't hack it on their team, no matter how many competitions you won in high school. I guess pure brutality doesn't work well at that level.”
“And you would know.”
Matt would. He takes a step forward, into Fisk's space, just because it will make him uncomfortable but sighted people never tell Matt to step back because they don't know he's getting so close on purpose, more often than not. “I guess we'll see at the practice debate.”
“I guess we will. Have a good day, Murdock.”
“You too,” Matt says, and steps out of his way, just in time to put his cane just shy of tripping him before he can walk on. “I hope you can make it to the debate, by the way. To see Foggy and me win.”
Fisk just grunts, and Matt moves his cane to let him walk away.
That might have been stupid, but it felt satisfying, and Matt and Foggy have been practicing. It's an event they have interest in doing, and even if Vanessa and Wesley make a good team, it isn't their preferred event. They can show all of them exactly how little impact that note, whatever its purpose was, had on them.
*
“Doris says you're still welcome to come to dinner some time,” Matt blurts when he and Foggy are packing up their books. Foggy has kept coming back to his library table, even though they don't work a lot on debate, mostly homework. They don't eat lunch together, and they don't spend time together after school unless it's a debate day, so Matt treasures the study halls, even if there isn't a lot of conversation during them.
“Um, are you … sure that's a good idea?”
“As a friend. Since it seems like we're still hanging out sometimes, she says.” Matt can feel the warmth in his cheeks. He must be blushing, and he hates not being able to control it. “I'm not trying to put pressure on, or anything, she just always seems to know whether I pass messages like that on or not.”
“That's because you're a shitty—well. I guess not.” Matt winces. He is shitty at the little lies, the ones about homework and passing messages. He's got at the big ones. Foggy has reason to know. “Plus it's mom radar, must happen even when it's not a blood mother.”
“Right.”
Foggy fidgets and then shuts his book with a gentle thump. “I don't know, Matt. I don't really want to blur any lines here.”
“Of course.” Matt swallows. “I'm not going to get my hopes up. I have Claire over for dinner all the time, and Karen has friends sometimes. It isn't like only boyfriends or girlfriends get invited over.”
“Right, yeah. It's just, you know. We used to date. So there's weird baggage, I guess.”
“Like I said. There isn't any pressure.” Matt runs his fingers over an equation or two on the printouts he's been using to help him study for math, which never works as well on the screenreader. “But I would like to be friends.”
“Of course you would.” Foggy sighs, and runs his fingers through his hair. His heartrate is a little elevated, but not enough to tell Matt anything but that he's anxious. “I kind of would too, but I'm trying to figure out how. Like, we're working with a lot less false pretenses now, which is good, but there are a lot of messy feelings going around, and I don't want to discount those.”
Matt nods and clasps his hands in his lap. Sometimes his fidgeting gives him away, when he wants to say more than he's saying, or when he's upset. “Slowly, I guess. Step by step.”
“Yeah, I get that part. I guess the question is just where I want to end up.”
“Of course.” Matt knows where he wants to end up, but even if Foggy comes to trust him again, there's no promise that he'll still be interested, or that he'll ever be able to trust him that much. “Let me know if you figure it out. I'm willing to try anything.” He squeezes his hands together. “Even if it's just being debate partners.”
“Just? We're going to be the most kickass debate partners out there.” It's a little too jovial, but it's an olive branch. Matt isn't going to discount those, even if it's not totally sincere yet. “Murdock and Nelson, unstoppable team, heading to Nationals!”
Matt laughs. “I guess that means we'll have to do a little more preparing.”
Foggy instantly relaxes, now that they're back on safe ground, and starts talking about his International Extemp prep and how it's helping him do research for potential Public Forum topics, and how Matt should help him. Matt joins in on the conversation even if he really needs to study for his math quiz, and he doesn't bring up dinner again.
[fill] Matched Your Own Beat (10/?)
“You and Foggy are talking again.”
Matt, sprawled on his back on Claire's bed, grimaces. “I'm aware. Do you think we shouldn't?”
“I don't think it's a good idea, no. Either you're torturing him or you're torturing yourself. Unless you two are going to get back together.”
Matt shakes his head. “I would never ask him for that. And I don't think I'm torturing him. He was the one who still wanted to debate together, and he's been friendly. We still aren't eating lunch together, or spending study halls together, at least as much. I hope we're friends.”
“That answers the torturing him part of things.” Claire sighs. “Probably the torturing yourself thing too. You can tell him debating with him is a bad idea, Matt. He'll understand.”
“It would be selfish.”
“Bullshit.” Matt frowns, and Claire's desk chair squeaks, swiveling to face him. “You've got feelings for him, and even if you were a dick about things, that doesn't make them not real. If you don't want to spend time with him and make it worse, that's up to you. If wasn't selfish of him to break it off with you even though you actually want to date him now, and it's not selfish of you to back off if you need to.”
“I don't want to.”
“If you're sure.” She taps the pencil she's been doing her homework with a few times on her leg. “I'm not going to tell you not to do it, Matt, but I don't want you to end up with your heart broken.”
“I'm fine.”
“I know. You always are.” Claire laughs a little, quiet. “I should have known. You always fall hard for inconvenient people. I should be grateful it's not Elektra, I guess.”
Matt puts his hand over his face. He can't see her, but he doesn't want her seeing him either, right now. “It's not because they're inconvenient. I liked Foggy even when he was convenient. I liked Elektra because she didn't baby me. I liked you.”
“And I decided I wanted to be your friend.” Claire is gentle, even though they don't talk about it ever, and he knows she wants to pretend none of it ever happened. They're better as friends, but it doesn't erase the rough beginning. “But that doesn't really matter. Foggy was never convenient—well, he was convenient before you noticed he was around.” Matt winces, but it's a fair point. He doesn't object. “But as soon as you found out about that note and said yes anyway, he stopped being convenient.”
“You really think I shouldn't—anything, with him. Not that I would. I know he doesn't want to. I've said that.”
Claire sighs. “I'm not trying to make your decisions for you. I just know that you're on a collision course with heartbreak, here, and I think that part of you likes that.” Matt opens his mouth, but she's already continuing. “We don't have to argue about it. But you and Foggy talking again, debating with each other … be careful, if you're going to insist on doing it.”
“We're debating against Vanessa and Wesley.” She makes an encouraging noise. She knows his non sequiturs by now. “They're the ones who sent the note. I'm almost sure.”
“Okay.” There's a lot behind that, in her heartbeat and the way he knows to read the tone of her voice, but she leaves it. He's grateful. “You planning to beat them?”
“Of course.”
“You have any plans beyond that?”
“No.” He takes his arm off his face. “Not yet.”
“Right.” She gets out of her chair and comes to sit on the bed next to him, rests her hand on his chest like she does when she wants to make sure he's okay. Usually it's on days like he was having when Foggy found him in the bathroom. He doesn't know what that says about anything, but it can't be anything good. “If he breaks your heart right back, that's not tit for tat, you know? I will be fully qualified to kick his ass.”
Matt breathes out. “Thanks, Claire. I don't think it will be necessary, and I don't want him hurt anyway, but thank you for saying it.”
“Yeah, you're welcome.” She taps his chest. “Don't break your own heart either, okay? And sit up. I need to drill you on math rules.”
“I hear you're taking on Public Forum.”
Matt stops walking. He's heading for the front of school, to meet Karen after the school paper meeting, and he wasn't expecting Fisk to talk to him. They've avoided speaking to each other as much as possible after Fisk graduated, and after a pre-meet practice Lincoln-Douglas where they ripped each other to shreds and Owlsley benched Matt even though both of them were out of line. “Hello. Are you here to pick up Vanessa?”
“Yes. Going somewhere?”
“Just to meet Karen.” He shifts his backpack on his shoulder. “And yes. I'm taking on Public Forum, if that's the right way to phrase it. Foggy and I want to see how we work as a team.”
“Not as much prestige in that.”
“Practice for a few things I'm interested in, though.” The conversation is already getting Matt's hackles up. Fisk may be assisting with the coaching, but he doesn't have a stake in this, not really. “Any reason you ask?”
“Just making conversation.” There's always an air of menace, with Fisk. He was never a bully, precisely, when he was at school. He just took the lunch table he wanted, walked the halls like a king, never got in trouble with the administration and got people he didn't like in trouble, and nobody ever said anything about it, because no one ever figured out that he didn't have to stick kids in lockers. He got everything he wanted without it. “Foggy Nelson, though?”
Matt smiles as pleasantly as he can and keeps his cane clutched tight in one hand. “He's got plenty of killer instinct. I think it will stand us in good stead.”
“Weren't you two dating for a little while?”
“You seem to care a lot about the social lives of high schoolers. Don't you have forensics at whatever school you're at?”
“I'm mentoring.”
He's poking at Matt's bruises because they've never liked each other, and both of them know it. If Vanessa and Wesley were the ones behind the note, Fisk must know. He must have laughed, and encouraged it—maybe they wanted to humiliate Foggy, but Fisk is smart even if he plays stupid sometimes. He would have known there would be some way of hurting Matt in there too. Some chance of it. “Or you couldn't hack it on their team, no matter how many competitions you won in high school. I guess pure brutality doesn't work well at that level.”
“And you would know.”
Matt would. He takes a step forward, into Fisk's space, just because it will make him uncomfortable but sighted people never tell Matt to step back because they don't know he's getting so close on purpose, more often than not. “I guess we'll see at the practice debate.”
“I guess we will. Have a good day, Murdock.”
“You too,” Matt says, and steps out of his way, just in time to put his cane just shy of tripping him before he can walk on. “I hope you can make it to the debate, by the way. To see Foggy and me win.”
Fisk just grunts, and Matt moves his cane to let him walk away.
That might have been stupid, but it felt satisfying, and Matt and Foggy have been practicing. It's an event they have interest in doing, and even if Vanessa and Wesley make a good team, it isn't their preferred event. They can show all of them exactly how little impact that note, whatever its purpose was, had on them.
“Doris says you're still welcome to come to dinner some time,” Matt blurts when he and Foggy are packing up their books. Foggy has kept coming back to his library table, even though they don't work a lot on debate, mostly homework. They don't eat lunch together, and they don't spend time together after school unless it's a debate day, so Matt treasures the study halls, even if there isn't a lot of conversation during them.
“Um, are you … sure that's a good idea?”
“As a friend. Since it seems like we're still hanging out sometimes, she says.” Matt can feel the warmth in his cheeks. He must be blushing, and he hates not being able to control it. “I'm not trying to put pressure on, or anything, she just always seems to know whether I pass messages like that on or not.”
“That's because you're a shitty—well. I guess not.” Matt winces. He is shitty at the little lies, the ones about homework and passing messages. He's got at the big ones. Foggy has reason to know. “Plus it's mom radar, must happen even when it's not a blood mother.”
“Right.”
Foggy fidgets and then shuts his book with a gentle thump. “I don't know, Matt. I don't really want to blur any lines here.”
“Of course.” Matt swallows. “I'm not going to get my hopes up. I have Claire over for dinner all the time, and Karen has friends sometimes. It isn't like only boyfriends or girlfriends get invited over.”
“Right, yeah. It's just, you know. We used to date. So there's weird baggage, I guess.”
“Like I said. There isn't any pressure.” Matt runs his fingers over an equation or two on the printouts he's been using to help him study for math, which never works as well on the screenreader. “But I would like to be friends.”
“Of course you would.” Foggy sighs, and runs his fingers through his hair. His heartrate is a little elevated, but not enough to tell Matt anything but that he's anxious. “I kind of would too, but I'm trying to figure out how. Like, we're working with a lot less false pretenses now, which is good, but there are a lot of messy feelings going around, and I don't want to discount those.”
Matt nods and clasps his hands in his lap. Sometimes his fidgeting gives him away, when he wants to say more than he's saying, or when he's upset. “Slowly, I guess. Step by step.”
“Yeah, I get that part. I guess the question is just where I want to end up.”
“Of course.” Matt knows where he wants to end up, but even if Foggy comes to trust him again, there's no promise that he'll still be interested, or that he'll ever be able to trust him that much. “Let me know if you figure it out. I'm willing to try anything.” He squeezes his hands together. “Even if it's just being debate partners.”
“Just? We're going to be the most kickass debate partners out there.” It's a little too jovial, but it's an olive branch. Matt isn't going to discount those, even if it's not totally sincere yet. “Murdock and Nelson, unstoppable team, heading to Nationals!”
Matt laughs. “I guess that means we'll have to do a little more preparing.”
Foggy instantly relaxes, now that they're back on safe ground, and starts talking about his International Extemp prep and how it's helping him do research for potential Public Forum topics, and how Matt should help him. Matt joins in on the conversation even if he really needs to study for his math quiz, and he doesn't bring up dinner again.