It's a quiet day at the office. Or as quiet as any day can be, for Matt. There's a comfortable amount of work to do – nothing overwhelming, but enough to feel like they all have Real Jobs at a Real Law Firm.
Karen has just returned from her lunch break and Matt is contemplating taking his, when Foggy suddenly barks a laugh and says, “Dude, Matt! The internet thinks you're fucking Daredevil!”
Matt freezes, fingers stilling over the case file he's been reviewing, his blood running cold. “They think I'm what?” he manages, aiming for bewildered. It comes out a bit strangled. He's going to kill Foggy for doing this in front of Karen.
“When I say fucking Daredevil,” Foggy clarifies, “I mean fucking Daredevil.”
“...They think I'm what.”
“Let me see, let me see!” Karen pushes back her chair and goes to stand behind Foggy's desk. Matt waits to hear Karen's verdict – there is a slight, very slight chance that Foggy is messing with him, and he would like to hold on to that hope as long as he can.
“...Oh,” says Karen, and that hope flickers and dies. “They... Okay, I mean, this one seems more like they think Daredevil is fucking Matt.”
“I dunno Karen, you think Matt's a bottom?”
“I THINK MATT'S STILL IN THE ROOM!” Matt bellows. “What the fuck are you two looking at?”
“Fanfiction, buddy!”
Matt's brain crashes to a halt and very slowly reboots itself.
He has... encountered fanfiction. It's stilted and awkward coming out of a screen reader and seeking out podfic has always felt a little too deliberate for him to brush off as “just something to do,” so he hasn't actually experienced much, but he is aware of it.
He is aware that there is an ever-growing contingent of people out there writing about the Avengers fucking each other and saving the world from invented perils. And then fucking some more.
“...Oh, no.”
It somehow never occurred to him that people might write about Daredevil, and he's kicking himself for that now, but him? Matt Murdock? The lawyer?
He stands up and paces the office, itching for movement.
“Counter proposal: Oh yes.” There is an evil, evil grin in Foggy's voice.
“Foggy, this isn't funny,” Matt growls, and has to leave it at that because this is absolutely not how Karen is finding out.
“Second counter proposal: This is the funniest thing that's ever happened, ever, in the world.”
“It's not all sex,” Karen offers, like it's better for strangers to be writing about different aspects of what they think Matt's life is like. “There's one here about you teaching Daredevil to love himself.” Click. “...Oh. No, that's... That's also sex. You teach him to love himself using sex.”
Matt lets his head thunk against the wall. “I hate my life.”
Foggy starts laughing, and then interrupts himself. “Aw, man, only two pages deep and there's shitty angst about you wondering how someone as amazing as Daredevil could love a blind guy. Rude.”
“Maybe a blind guy wrote it,” Matt mutters. “Catharsis.”
Click. “...Reads more like terrible blindsploitation porn but you know what let's all just pretend it's a blind guy so we can feel better about the awful world we live in.”
“I'd feel better if strangers weren't writing porn about me, 'blindsploitational' or otherwise.”
“It's really not all porn,” Karen insists, sliding the laptop closer to her and clicking something. Several somethings. Pornographic somethings, Matt assumes. Then,
“HA! I found one! Fluff fic, zero content warnings, you go on a date – ooh, to a music hall, fancy – and he falls asleep with his head on your shoulder because he's tired from vigilante-ing.”
“How romantic,” Matt says flatly, and starts pacing again.
Click. Click. Click. “Here's one where Daredevil contemplates the irony of a blind man being the one person he would trust to see his face.” Foggy sounds skeptical. “Then you put your hands all over his face and... oh, and, uh, other places, and tell him you know handsome when you see it. Nice. I predict five hundred other stories with this exact subject matter.”
Five hundred? “How much of this is there?”
“On which website?”
Matt sits down in the middle of the floor and buries his face in his hands. “Fuck my life.”
“Whoa ho ho, law firm orgy fic.”
“What?”
“Me and Karen are here too! He fucks all of us! All of us fuck him! Awesome, I was starting to feel conspicuously left out. I know you're better looking than me, the internet doesn't need to rub it in.”
Matt stands up, approaches the two of them, sighs deeply, and splays his hand over Foggy's face. “I dunno, Foggy, I think I know handsome when I see it.”
“Ha ha.” Foggy swats his hand away.
Matt grins and turns to Karen. “I haven't known you as long and you've never moved all my furniture around, so I will refrain from putting my hand on your face for the sake of a shitty joke, but you sound very pretty. I'm sure Daredevil would be equally attracted to all of us.”
He retreats slightly to lean against the doorway, pleased by Karen's giggling and Foggy's grumbling.
Click. Click. Click. Click. “One where he teaches you how to fight,” Foggy announces.
Click. Click. Click. Karen: “One where you go ice skating together.
Click. Click. Foggy: “One where you switch bodies! Man, just imagine. Matt in Daredevil's body. Exciting.”
Click. Click. Karen: “One where you teach him about law.”
Click. Foggy: “One where Matt is 'in Daredevil's body' in the more traditional sense. Well, I say one. Several, really. Hundred. Several hundred.”
Click. Click. Click. Click. Matt: “Can we please get back to work?”
Click. Foggy: “No. I found one where you help him stop an alien invasion.”
Minifill: Click Click Click (Goes The Sound of Matt's Life Falling Apart)
Karen has just returned from her lunch break and Matt is contemplating taking his, when Foggy suddenly barks a laugh and says, “Dude, Matt! The internet thinks you're fucking Daredevil!”
Matt freezes, fingers stilling over the case file he's been reviewing, his blood running cold. “They think I'm what?” he manages, aiming for bewildered. It comes out a bit strangled. He's going to kill Foggy for doing this in front of Karen.
“When I say fucking Daredevil,” Foggy clarifies, “I mean fucking Daredevil.”
“...They think I'm what.”
“Let me see, let me see!” Karen pushes back her chair and goes to stand behind Foggy's desk. Matt waits to hear Karen's verdict – there is a slight, very slight chance that Foggy is messing with him, and he would like to hold on to that hope as long as he can.
“...Oh,” says Karen, and that hope flickers and dies. “They... Okay, I mean, this one seems more like they think Daredevil is fucking Matt.”
“I dunno Karen, you think Matt's a bottom?”
“I THINK MATT'S STILL IN THE ROOM!” Matt bellows. “What the fuck are you two looking at?”
“Fanfiction, buddy!”
Matt's brain crashes to a halt and very slowly reboots itself.
He has... encountered fanfiction. It's stilted and awkward coming out of a screen reader and seeking out podfic has always felt a little too deliberate for him to brush off as “just something to do,” so he hasn't actually experienced much, but he is aware of it.
He is aware that there is an ever-growing contingent of people out there writing about the Avengers fucking each other and saving the world from invented perils. And then fucking some more.
“...Oh, no.”
It somehow never occurred to him that people might write about Daredevil, and he's kicking himself for that now, but him? Matt Murdock? The lawyer?
He stands up and paces the office, itching for movement.
“Counter proposal: Oh yes.” There is an evil, evil grin in Foggy's voice.
“Foggy, this isn't funny,” Matt growls, and has to leave it at that because this is absolutely not how Karen is finding out.
“Second counter proposal: This is the funniest thing that's ever happened, ever, in the world.”
“It's not all sex,” Karen offers, like it's better for strangers to be writing about different aspects of what they think Matt's life is like. “There's one here about you teaching Daredevil to love himself.” Click. “...Oh. No, that's... That's also sex. You teach him to love himself using sex.”
Matt lets his head thunk against the wall. “I hate my life.”
Foggy starts laughing, and then interrupts himself. “Aw, man, only two pages deep and there's shitty angst about you wondering how someone as amazing as Daredevil could love a blind guy. Rude.”
“Maybe a blind guy wrote it,” Matt mutters. “Catharsis.”
Click. “...Reads more like terrible blindsploitation porn but you know what let's all just pretend it's a blind guy so we can feel better about the awful world we live in.”
“I'd feel better if strangers weren't writing porn about me, 'blindsploitational' or otherwise.”
“It's really not all porn,” Karen insists, sliding the laptop closer to her and clicking something. Several somethings. Pornographic somethings, Matt assumes. Then,
“HA! I found one! Fluff fic, zero content warnings, you go on a date – ooh, to a music hall, fancy – and he falls asleep with his head on your shoulder because he's tired from vigilante-ing.”
“How romantic,” Matt says flatly, and starts pacing again.
Click. Click. Click. “Here's one where Daredevil contemplates the irony of a blind man being the one person he would trust to see his face.” Foggy sounds skeptical. “Then you put your hands all over his face and... oh, and, uh, other places, and tell him you know handsome when you see it. Nice. I predict five hundred other stories with this exact subject matter.”
Five hundred? “How much of this is there?”
“On which website?”
Matt sits down in the middle of the floor and buries his face in his hands. “Fuck my life.”
“Whoa ho ho, law firm orgy fic.”
“What?”
“Me and Karen are here too! He fucks all of us! All of us fuck him! Awesome, I was starting to feel conspicuously left out. I know you're better looking than me, the internet doesn't need to rub it in.”
Matt stands up, approaches the two of them, sighs deeply, and splays his hand over Foggy's face. “I dunno, Foggy, I think I know handsome when I see it.”
“Ha ha.” Foggy swats his hand away.
Matt grins and turns to Karen. “I haven't known you as long and you've never moved all my furniture around, so I will refrain from putting my hand on your face for the sake of a shitty joke, but you sound very pretty. I'm sure Daredevil would be equally attracted to all of us.”
He retreats slightly to lean against the doorway, pleased by Karen's giggling and Foggy's grumbling.
Click. Click. Click. Click. “One where he teaches you how to fight,” Foggy announces.
Click. Click. Click. Karen: “One where you go ice skating together.
Click. Click. Foggy: “One where you switch bodies! Man, just imagine. Matt in Daredevil's body. Exciting.”
Click. Click. Karen: “One where you teach him about law.”
Click. Foggy: “One where Matt is 'in Daredevil's body' in the more traditional sense. Well, I say one. Several, really. Hundred. Several hundred.”
Click. Click. Click. Click. Matt: “Can we please get back to work?”
Click. Foggy: “No. I found one where you help him stop an alien invasion.”