When does Defenders say the only time they meet is for this reason? Matt said it had been a long time, but that is an indeterminate amount of time. They used to see each other everyday, so a few weeks would be forever in comparison. They aren't as close as they were, that doesn't mean the only reason they met is for Daredeviling check-ins.
Also if Matt is trying to stop because in his own words "getting involved only made things worse," and Foggy knows this, how is him seeing if Matt is struggling to do that, and offering him alternatives to help him met his self-stated goal not friendship? I think checking in is a form of friendship, (even if it could be argued it's also condescending). [Furthermore, even if it was completely condescension, "I don't think you can take care of yourself. Are you okay? Try this, it will be better for you." Which I really don't think it was. But even if it was, the motivation to do that would be concern for Matt's life. Which is still concern, although a condescending form in a misguided act of friendship, which is still friendship. If Matt leaving to 'protect his friends' as misguided an act as that is, especially unexplained, is something you consider Matt trying to be a good friend, surely trying to convince your friend to give up something that you have almost seen him get killed multiple times is also an act of friendship. So I think other anin's concern theory is true).
As for his gratefulness, I feel like he has to have known that he screwed Foggy over in S2 of DD. Whatever his reasons were, he didn't show up in court, he didn't show up in the hospital, and the thing he probably worries about most and I imagine Foggy probably worries about least of the list, Foggy got shot (in Matt's opinion, because of him). The fact Foggy is willing to reach out to him at all probably is completely unexpected for Matt, because Matt is extremely self-punishing, and he feels he doesn't deserve it.
I'm not sure what you mean by "every time Matt tells Foggy the truth, Foggy makes him pay for it," because the times Matt told Foggy the whole truth and not part of it and then said "you wouldn't believe me if I told you" as a short cut are minuscule, and most times there was way more in play. And every time Foggy "made him pay" by what I assume is anger and disapproval it's when the act is done and Matt is telling the truth after things have gone south, because it's seeped into Foggy's life, (see examples below), and he is trying to justify his actions. Foggy gets angry not so much because Matt is telling him the truth, but because of how he is telling him the truth (which is essentially "I know (x) but it's because (y) and so it's really not a big deal that (x) happened in comparison to (y) because I must/must not (y).") The one time he tells Foggy the truth ahead of time (taking down Fisk), Foggy actually supports him, even if he is a little hesitant because he's worried.
During the reveal, he is not just telling the truth he is exposing that he has been lying their entire friendship, making Foggy question everything. Yes, Foggy said some unkind things, but Matt actually "paid" very little since he paid in justified anger (Matt lied for years, did countless things under false pretenses, involved their firm in illegal activity without even telling Foggy), in no way apologized, or did anything other than try to justify his actions while not acknowledging at all that what he did hurt Foggy. I should clarify, I am not saying Matt needs to apologize for being himself, but he does not to apologize for hurting Foggy. They are related, but not the same thing.
Later, he told the truth (sort of?) when he got shot in the head, and he tried to minimize it before Foggy got truly nasty. (Come on, Matt as good as said that he, a short range hand-to-hand fighter, was better equipped for taking down a trained, military-precise person with a long-range weapons than several trained cops who also have long-range weapons, so it was okay for him to go out again less than 24 hours after getting shot in the head because it was necessary. And that Foggy was being dramatic for thinking it was a big deal.)
In the bathroom in the courthouse, Matt only told him a partial truth, and in a "you wouldn't believe me if I tried" attitude that was infuriating to Foggy. Also, even if he hadn't, Foggy is allowed to be human and get mad, and then cool off. They lost a major witness, and Matt was involved, even if unintentionally and indirectly, why does Foggy need to be so perfect that he doesn't get angry? Why doesn't Matt who has on a few occasions thrown things in anger, and in the bathroom tried to physically grab Foggy in anger and desperation, have any responsibility to acknowledge that sometimes anger is a natural part of life, friendship and relationships, (damaged past or not)?
The comparison to Jessica is not the same. She came down on him when he lied too. She was upset with him when his action effected her and he didn't keep her in the loop. That she acknowledged he and abandonment issue, (which she discovered by invasively searching his past by the way), made a connection because she's experienced bad things too, which she knows he knows, and showed understanding. That is not acceptance of his life or his choices. Understanding is not equal to acceptance. (Equally Foggy is not without understanding. Part of the reason he and Matt were friends was because he never doubted Matt was capable because he was blind. He saw Matt as self-sufficient, brilliant and as a person not a disability. He also responded with whatever understanding he had to any truth Matt told him about his dad.) She didn't justify his actions, nor should she, nor should Foggy.
I think Matt sees things too simplistically. All or nothing, absolutism, (Foggy could be hurt by what I do, so I will leave so he will not be affected. Foggy was shot because of me, I am bad for him. Vigilantism produced Frank, so it is bad, and I should stop. Me getting involved with the Hand led to Elektra's death so all I did was bad so I should stop being Daredevil. Foggy is mad at me so he rejects me. Foggy doesn't completely get Daredevil so he never will. Elektra love me, so we are good together. Elektra killed someone so she is bad. I can't tell you the truth, because you might disagree or be upset.) A with me or against me mentality. The end justifies the means. I will not apologize for being me or doing the right thing. Any push back is judgment or rejection.
Foggy sees things differently, and more complexly. Things are a combination of right and wrong (this man is in a motorcycle gang and doubtlessly violent, but he also donates food to the needy every year. This man did bad things and went to jail, and rightfully so, but he loves his daughter and I want to help him do right by her. It is good to help a woman get away from her abusive husband, but it bothers me that you are hurt, and I am not sure it's worth losing you. I love, and I don't like that what you do as Daredevil hurts you, but I would still lie to cover for you, or risk my life or career to help you do it. I think you should balance your life and sometimes step back from Daredevil, what you can't? Well if it's go, go all the time or not at all, then not at all is preferable because the other will get you killed. I would rather you take cases than be Daredevil, but I still acknowledge that what you did/do as Daredevil is heroic [i.e. "Being a different kind of hero" implies that being DD is being a hero]. You can tell me the truth, because even if I disagree or am upset, I will still help you, and I will still love you.) I want to be with you, but I want you safe, and I really don't understand why you are doing this when you're risking so much, (which just leads to Matt getting mad instead of explaining in terms of yes, I know what is at risk and I still chose this for x reason, or no I didn't think of that, but it is still worth it for this reason), but if push comes to shove I am always in your corner whether or not I totally agree (someone else asked if Foggy bore any legal responsibility after choosing to come back. I think he does, and I think he thinks he does, even if he is a little resentful that he had to make the choice between upholding the law which he strongly believes in and swore to uphold, or helping Matt, whom he loves). The ends might be desirable, but one is still responsible for the mess they made along the way. I am not asking you to apologize for being you or doing what you think is right, but I am asking you to consider how what you do affects other people, and apologize or make reparations if your actions along the way hurt them. Acknowledge that your actions have consequences that hurt me or someone else. That is not the same as saying everything you did is wrong, and pointing it out to you when you seem to be avoiding it is not judgment but a reality check from someone who cares enough to hold you accountable and is also kind of hurt that you don't seem to understand that what you do has affected them and you seem to be downplaying it.
Acceptance is not all or nothing. Caring about someone does not mean thinking everything they do is good for them. Loving someone does not mean agreeing with them all the time, or that you will never hurt them, or make mistakes.
Foggy can only do so much. I think saying "they both made mistakes and both need to change" is simplistic, but better than putting Foggy fully at fault. Yes, Foggy made mistakes, but Matt's are an immovable roadblock until he deals with some of his abandonment issues and other issues that seem to cause him to be unable to own up to his mistakes, or do anything other than wallow in them the few times he acknowledges them, and to assign an undue amount of judgment and malice to what Foggy is saying. It's not necessarily fault, but it is key that Matt needs to change his hardline point of view for the friendship to be anywhere near equal ground. Anything short of that is Foggy accepting anything Matt dishes out while supporting Matt, because accepting Daredevil the way Matt wants is accepting that any collateral damage to their work or relationship is okay because Matt's doing good as Daredevil, and thus Matt apparently can't be held accountable for anything he does along the way. It would be taking the majority of the burden because Matt needs him, and he wants Matt, but Matt is not ready to give support or understanding to the level he gets it.
Re: Episode 2 Discussion
When does Defenders say the only time they meet is for this reason? Matt said it had been a long time, but that is an indeterminate amount of time. They used to see each other everyday, so a few weeks would be forever in comparison. They aren't as close as they were, that doesn't mean the only reason they met is for Daredeviling check-ins.
Also if Matt is trying to stop because in his own words "getting involved only made things worse," and Foggy knows this, how is him seeing if Matt is struggling to do that, and offering him alternatives to help him met his self-stated goal not friendship? I think checking in is a form of friendship, (even if it could be argued it's also condescending). [Furthermore, even if it was completely condescension, "I don't think you can take care of yourself. Are you okay? Try this, it will be better for you." Which I really don't think it was. But even if it was, the motivation to do that would be concern for Matt's life. Which is still concern, although a condescending form in a misguided act of friendship, which is still friendship. If Matt leaving to 'protect his friends' as misguided an act as that is, especially unexplained, is something you consider Matt trying to be a good friend, surely trying to convince your friend to give up something that you have almost seen him get killed multiple times is also an act of friendship. So I think other anin's concern theory is true).
As for his gratefulness, I feel like he has to have known that he screwed Foggy over in S2 of DD. Whatever his reasons were, he didn't show up in court, he didn't show up in the hospital, and the thing he probably worries about most and I imagine Foggy probably worries about least of the list, Foggy got shot (in Matt's opinion, because of him). The fact Foggy is willing to reach out to him at all probably is completely unexpected for Matt, because Matt is extremely self-punishing, and he feels he doesn't deserve it.
I'm not sure what you mean by "every time Matt tells Foggy the truth, Foggy makes him pay for it," because the times Matt told Foggy the whole truth and not part of it and then said "you wouldn't believe me if I told you" as a short cut are minuscule, and most times there was way more in play. And every time Foggy "made him pay" by what I assume is anger and disapproval it's when the act is done and Matt is telling the truth after things have gone south, because it's seeped into Foggy's life, (see examples below), and he is trying to justify his actions. Foggy gets angry not so much because Matt is telling him the truth, but because of how he is telling him the truth (which is essentially "I know (x) but it's because (y) and so it's really not a big deal that (x) happened in comparison to (y) because I must/must not (y).") The one time he tells Foggy the truth ahead of time (taking down Fisk), Foggy actually supports him, even if he is a little hesitant because he's worried.
During the reveal, he is not just telling the truth he is exposing that he has been lying their entire friendship, making Foggy question everything. Yes, Foggy said some unkind things, but Matt actually "paid" very little since he paid in justified anger (Matt lied for years, did countless things under false pretenses, involved their firm in illegal activity without even telling Foggy), in no way apologized, or did anything other than try to justify his actions while not acknowledging at all that what he did hurt Foggy. I should clarify, I am not saying Matt needs to apologize for being himself, but he does not to apologize for hurting Foggy. They are related, but not the same thing.
Later, he told the truth (sort of?) when he got shot in the head, and he tried to minimize it before Foggy got truly nasty. (Come on, Matt as good as said that he, a short range hand-to-hand fighter, was better equipped for taking down a trained, military-precise person with a long-range weapons than several trained cops who also have long-range weapons, so it was okay for him to go out again less than 24 hours after getting shot in the head because it was necessary. And that Foggy was being dramatic for thinking it was a big deal.)
In the bathroom in the courthouse, Matt only told him a partial truth, and in a "you wouldn't believe me if I tried" attitude that was infuriating to Foggy. Also, even if he hadn't, Foggy is allowed to be human and get mad, and then cool off. They lost a major witness, and Matt was involved, even if unintentionally and indirectly, why does Foggy need to be so perfect that he doesn't get angry? Why doesn't Matt who has on a few occasions thrown things in anger, and in the bathroom tried to physically grab Foggy in anger and desperation, have any responsibility to acknowledge that sometimes anger is a natural part of life, friendship and relationships, (damaged past or not)?
The comparison to Jessica is not the same. She came down on him when he lied too. She was upset with him when his action effected her and he didn't keep her in the loop. That she acknowledged he and abandonment issue, (which she discovered by invasively searching his past by the way), made a connection because she's experienced bad things too, which she knows he knows, and showed understanding. That is not acceptance of his life or his choices. Understanding is not equal to acceptance. (Equally Foggy is not without understanding. Part of the reason he and Matt were friends was because he never doubted Matt was capable because he was blind. He saw Matt as self-sufficient, brilliant and as a person not a disability. He also responded with whatever understanding he had to any truth Matt told him about his dad.) She didn't justify his actions, nor should she, nor should Foggy.
I think Matt sees things too simplistically. All or nothing, absolutism, (Foggy could be hurt by what I do, so I will leave so he will not be affected. Foggy was shot because of me, I am bad for him. Vigilantism produced Frank, so it is bad, and I should stop. Me getting involved with the Hand led to Elektra's death so all I did was bad so I should stop being Daredevil. Foggy is mad at me so he rejects me. Foggy doesn't completely get Daredevil so he never will. Elektra love me, so we are good together. Elektra killed someone so she is bad. I can't tell you the truth, because you might disagree or be upset.) A with me or against me mentality. The end justifies the means. I will not apologize for being me or doing the right thing. Any push back is judgment or rejection.
Foggy sees things differently, and more complexly. Things are a combination of right and wrong (this man is in a motorcycle gang and doubtlessly violent, but he also donates food to the needy every year. This man did bad things and went to jail, and rightfully so, but he loves his daughter and I want to help him do right by her. It is good to help a woman get away from her abusive husband, but it bothers me that you are hurt, and I am not sure it's worth losing you. I love, and I don't like that what you do as Daredevil hurts you, but I would still lie to cover for you, or risk my life or career to help you do it. I think you should balance your life and sometimes step back from Daredevil, what you can't? Well if it's go, go all the time or not at all, then not at all is preferable because the other will get you killed. I would rather you take cases than be Daredevil, but I still acknowledge that what you did/do as Daredevil is heroic [i.e. "Being a different kind of hero" implies that being DD is being a hero]. You can tell me the truth, because even if I disagree or am upset, I will still help you, and I will still love you.) I want to be with you, but I want you safe, and I really don't understand why you are doing this when you're risking so much, (which just leads to Matt getting mad instead of explaining in terms of yes, I know what is at risk and I still chose this for x reason, or no I didn't think of that, but it is still worth it for this reason), but if push comes to shove I am always in your corner whether or not I totally agree (someone else asked if Foggy bore any legal responsibility after choosing to come back. I think he does, and I think he thinks he does, even if he is a little resentful that he had to make the choice between upholding the law which he strongly believes in and swore to uphold, or helping Matt, whom he loves). The ends might be desirable, but one is still responsible for the mess they made along the way. I am not asking you to apologize for being you or doing what you think is right, but I am asking you to consider how what you do affects other people, and apologize or make reparations if your actions along the way hurt them. Acknowledge that your actions have consequences that hurt me or someone else. That is not the same as saying everything you did is wrong, and pointing it out to you when you seem to be avoiding it is not judgment but a reality check from someone who cares enough to hold you accountable and is also kind of hurt that you don't seem to understand that what you do has affected them and you seem to be downplaying it.
Acceptance is not all or nothing. Caring about someone does not mean thinking everything they do is good for them. Loving someone does not mean agreeing with them all the time, or that you will never hurt them, or make mistakes.
Foggy can only do so much. I think saying "they both made mistakes and both need to change" is simplistic, but better than putting Foggy fully at fault. Yes, Foggy made mistakes, but Matt's are an immovable roadblock until he deals with some of his abandonment issues and other issues that seem to cause him to be unable to own up to his mistakes, or do anything other than wallow in them the few times he acknowledges them, and to assign an undue amount of judgment and malice to what Foggy is saying. It's not necessarily fault, but it is key that Matt needs to change his hardline point of view for the friendship to be anywhere near equal ground. Anything short of that is Foggy accepting anything Matt dishes out while supporting Matt, because accepting Daredevil the way Matt wants is accepting that any collateral damage to their work or relationship is okay because Matt's doing good as Daredevil, and thus Matt apparently can't be held accountable for anything he does along the way. It would be taking the majority of the burden because Matt needs him, and he wants Matt, but Matt is not ready to give support or understanding to the level he gets it.