He undressed slowly. His hands shook. He could feel eyes on himself.
...no, he couldn't. Could he? His head buzzed.
He was alone. He was in his cage. The sand was... no, no sand. The other cage.
He undressed slowly. His hands shook.
The world was so far away. He could feel the sharp sterilising smell still hurt his nose, burning and cutting and his nose should bleed. In all the sensation, the world was muffled, like it had never been there in the first place. Someone touched him. "Do you want Natalia to stay with you?" He was blinking. The world was so far away. Voices, and people, and blood soon to come---
Where was he?
His cage. Yes, his cage, his other cage, upstairs in a building. You are in Avengers Tower. Alone.
He sat down - coach, that domesticating coach - and took a shuddering breath. There was one thing to do. One thing nobody could stop him from doing, not really, though they tried--- Memory was his weapon.
His arms shook. It would be so much easier to just let his mind swim, forget this hell---
Memory was his weapon.
He sat.
Blow-by-blow would be the best, he thought. I'll remember it blow-by-blow. He blinked.
He was in the sterile room again.
He was shaking then, too.
It had taken him a moment to remember the question. That was terrifying; never forget your orders. Do you want Natalia to stay with you?
Yes.
Yes, yes. Please.
He blinked for moment, composing himself. "No." He was so alone. But then he imagined Natalia here, with him, like him. Angry and fragile and trapped in a sterile room. "Get her out of here, please." You can never negotiate with terrorists. But you can plead with them. "Can you get her out of here, please? I'll. I'll comply. Get her out, just for a day, just... You don't need her."
Somewhere far away, a voice was scoffing at him. Begging your masters for mercy, like a kicked dog.
He had so many voices sometimes.
He had learned to ignore them quickly.
"Please."
A hand trapping his own squeezed. "Of course," a quiet voice said. The Doctor. That was... the Doctor. The Head Doctor.
He had tried to listen closely, gauge how thruthful he was, but he couldn't. Too much noise in his head.
"Can you... keep her safe?" He didn't say that, did he? A cold vice closed around his chest. If he had said that, that... that was bad. That could be Natalia's death sentence if he isn't good enough.
Never reveal a weakness. Never, ever reveal that your weakness is another person. Weaknesses can be exploited. People can be hurt. That's what they're for.
"I can."
That was Head Doctor again. Had been. Had been - he needed to remember that. There was a then and a now, and that had been then. He wasn't sure if this was important, but it was important to remember. He can. What did the Doctor can? Probably something insignificant, a threat to make him be good, soldier, but it would be best to... to rememeber. Right.
At some point, the Other Doctors came back in. He went naked. They watched. He was obedient, so obedient. A needle was put in his arm---
Fill: part 17 - Matt
He undressed slowly. His hands shook. He could feel eyes on himself.
...no, he couldn't. Could he? His head buzzed.
He was alone. He was in his cage. The sand was... no, no sand. The other cage.
He undressed slowly. His hands shook.
The world was so far away. He could feel the sharp sterilising smell still hurt his nose, burning and cutting and his nose should bleed. In all the sensation, the world was muffled, like it had never been there in the first place. Someone touched him. "Do you want Natalia to stay with you?" He was blinking. The world was so far away. Voices, and people, and blood soon to come---
Where was he?
His cage. Yes, his cage, his other cage, upstairs in a building. You are in Avengers Tower. Alone.
He sat down - coach, that domesticating coach - and took a shuddering breath. There was one thing to do. One thing nobody could stop him from doing, not really, though they tried--- Memory was his weapon.
His arms shook. It would be so much easier to just let his mind swim, forget this hell---
Memory was his weapon.
He sat.
Blow-by-blow would be the best, he thought. I'll remember it blow-by-blow. He blinked.
He was in the sterile room again.
He was shaking then, too.
It had taken him a moment to remember the question. That was terrifying; never forget your orders. Do you want Natalia to stay with you?
Yes.
Yes, yes. Please.
He blinked for moment, composing himself. "No." He was so alone. But then he imagined Natalia here, with him, like him. Angry and fragile and trapped in a sterile room. "Get her out of here, please." You can never negotiate with terrorists. But you can plead with them. "Can you get her out of here, please? I'll. I'll comply. Get her out, just for a day, just... You don't need her."
Somewhere far away, a voice was scoffing at him. Begging your masters for mercy, like a kicked dog.
He had so many voices sometimes.
He had learned to ignore them quickly.
"Please."
A hand trapping his own squeezed. "Of course," a quiet voice said. The Doctor. That was... the Doctor. The Head Doctor.
He had tried to listen closely, gauge how thruthful he was, but he couldn't. Too much noise in his head.
"Can you... keep her safe?" He didn't say that, did he? A cold vice closed around his chest. If he had said that, that... that was bad. That could be Natalia's death sentence if he isn't good enough.
Never reveal a weakness. Never, ever reveal that your weakness is another person. Weaknesses can be exploited. People can be hurt. That's what they're for.
"I can."
That was Head Doctor again. Had been. Had been - he needed to remember that. There was a then and a now, and that had been then. He wasn't sure if this was important, but it was important to remember. He can. What did the Doctor can? Probably something insignificant, a threat to make him be good, soldier, but it would be best to... to rememeber. Right.
At some point, the Other Doctors came back in. He went naked. They watched. He was obedient, so obedient. A needle was put in his arm---
He burst out crying.