I'm probably projecting too, don't worry. I have/(had hopefully) endogenous depression and while I can remember in my lowest periods thinking of ways I could do it, I always thought it would be easier if someone else would just do it for me (easier for friends, family, the landlord) and easier for me because while I knew I was at that point, I felt guilty about it and if someone else was responsible then that would be one thing I didn't have to feel guilty about.

(I do not and have not ever thought that suicide is something to which blame can be assigned but guilt does not always, especially for a depressive, mean that someone has blamed. It's funny the way the brain works, whenever Matt on show said "that's the Catholicism" regarding guilt, etc., I'd think, "Well, I'm not Catholic but it sounds a whole hell of a lot like depression to me.")