TW for, uh, light suicidal ideation? Everything works out happily, I promise!
-
He stops by Claire's. There's little she can do besides offer painkillers they both know he won't take, but at least she can check him over and venture an exhausted, worried guess - hope - that his internal injuries aren't too bad.
He takes himself home, where he doesn't so much sleep as simply allow himself to cease being conscious. Wakes at nine to text Karen that he's taking a sick day - Karen, because Foggy will ask follow-up questions. Drops out again.
It's late afternoon when he wakes for real. He feels steadier but hollow, like something's been stripped away inside.
He's not suicidal. At least, he doesn't think he is. Sure, he's thought about it - who hasn't? - and there have been times he's been so beaten down he thinks it would be easier to just. Stop.
Not just physically. He thinks of those days when he and Foggy weren't talking, when he wasn't sure they would ever talk again.
No, he's never wanted to die. But sometimes being alive seems like more than he can bear.
Stick is right that he'll get himself killed like this, though. So he needs to either cut Foggy out of his life entirely, like Stick wants, or figure out a way to be around him like they were before. Life without Foggy isn't an option, so it'll have to be door number two. He loved Foggy for years without telling him, after all; just because he's conscious of it now shouldn't change anything.
Besides, he thinks guiltily, it's not like he doesn't have plenty of practice lying to Foggy.
He eats. He tries and fails to meditate. He finds himself unable to sleep after sundown, which isn't a surprise considering how late he woke up.
He can't patrol. He knows that. He's too injured.
But he can go to Foggy's.
One last time, he tells himself. Before he puts the heartsick puppy act away for good. One last night where he can admit to himself what he really wants.
He goes slow over the roofs. Time and sleep helped, but he's still hurting - and he needs to stay out of sight. Too many people would take a shot at Daredevil if they saw him, and he's not up for a fight right now.
He's a block away when he hears Foggy's heartbeat. He's home, he's awake, and from the speed of his heart he's not entirely calm. Matt doesn't think to worry until he gets close enough to recognize the other heartbeat in Foggy's apartment.
Stick.
Matt takes off running. He forgets to stay out of sight, forgets about his injuries, forgets everything except that he needs to get to Foggy before Stick hurts him.
He leaps across to Foggy's roof, shoots down the fire escape. The window's open - probably how Stick got in - and he hurtles through. Slams into Stick as Stick turns to face him.
"Matt!" Foggy says, and then Matt has to focus on Stick. Stick frees himself with a knee to Matt's stomach and spins to kick him in the chest. Matt jumps back, moves in again and goes for the throat. Blocks. Parries. Spins. Stick's more experienced and not injured, but Matt won't let him win. Matt's fighting for something more here.
"Matt!" Foggy shouts again as Stick hurls Matt into the arm of the couch, right on his bruised ribs. Matt gets back up, charges again, blacks Stick's eye with an elbow strike. Stick moves like fucking smoke, though, and suddenly he's got an arm locked across Matt's throat, choking him, and Matt's scrabbling at his face, he can't breathe and he needs to save Foggy, he needs to -
"STOP IT!" Foggy hollers, loud enough to startle them both. "You're not going to kill Matt, you crusty old asshole, and Matt, you're not going to kill anyone, so if you two need to destroy another living room I'd prefer that it not be mine."
Stick...Stick actually laughs.
And releases Matt, who immediately moves to stand between them. “Did he hurt you?” he asks, angling his head back a little so that Foggy knows Matt’s talking to him.
“Relax, kid,” Stick says. “Nelson and I were just overdue for a talk.”
Matt’s never been able to tell when Stick’s lying. “Foggy?”
“I’m fine, Matt,” Foggy says. “And you’ve said your piece, Crypt Keeper, so get the hell out of my apartment before I figure out a way to call the Avengers on your sleazy ninja ass.”
“Fine,” Stick says. “But think about what I said.”
“Believe me, I will,” Foggy says, which startles Matt. What the hell could Stick say to him that Foggy would even consider?
Stick has to move past Foggy to get to the door, and Matt keeps himself between them the whole time. “Down, boy,” Stick says, and Matt wishes it didn’t make him want to actually growl. “See you around.”
It’s a bad joke on a number of levels, but whether it’s also a threat or just a promise, Matt can’t be sure.
Stick taps his way out the door. Foggy lets out a tremendous sigh and flops down on his couch. “Well,” he says. “This has been a night. Matt, what the - ”
Matt holds up a warning hand. “He’s still in range. Just...wait.”
They do, Foggy tapping an impatient hand on his knee until Matt can’t hear Stick anymore. He’s pretty sure his own senses are actually better than Stick’s, which means they can talk freely. “Okay. He’s gone.”
“Great. Do you have any more fun acquaintances from your past who might break into my apartment and threaten me? Ex-girlfriends? Childhood bullies? A sinister pediatrician, perhaps?”
Foggy’s trying too hard for jovial; there’s a tremor in his voice, and he’s sweating. Matt moves in to comfort, catches himself, and takes an awkward seat as far away from Foggy on the couch as he can get. “Foggy, I’m so sorry. I had no idea he’d come after you.” Although he should have expected it, really. All this time avoiding Foggy, and he should have been glued to his side.
“Obviously.” Foggy makes an annoyed noise. “Could you take off the mask?”
Matt does - and then regrets it at Foggy’s sharp intake of breath. “Jesus, Matt,” he says. “What happened this time?”
“I was careless. I let myself get outnumbered,” Matt admits. He pauses, then adds: “Stick helped me out.”
Foggy scrubs a hand over his face. “That...makes sense, actually,” he says, and why, why does that make sense to him, what did Stick say? “How bad is the rest of it?”
Matt shrugs one shoulder. “Claire says it’s mostly just bruising. It’s ugly, but it’ll heal.” His fingers tighten on the mask, find the edges of it. “You said Stick threatened you.”
“Well, sort of,” Foggy hedges. “It was more ‘dire warnings full of sturm and drang’ than promising to pull of my fingernails or anything like that.”
“What did he say?” Matt’s proud of how calm his voice is, in that he’s not actively screaming right now.
“Oh, you know. I’m gonna get you killed, you’re gonna get me killed...lotta inadvertent death in our future, apparently. I am starting to see why you’re such a downer.”
“Foggy, I would never…” Matt starts, and Foggy cuts him off.
“I know,” he says. “I told him that the guy who keeps telling you to watch your injuries and actually rest once in a while is a hell of a lot less likely to get you killed than the guy who keeps trying to recruit you for his holy ninja war. And that you...” He drops the forced too-jovial tone. “You would never let anything happen to me.”
There’s too much faith in his voice. It’s true, but Matt still doesn’t deserve it.
“I wouldn’t,” he says. “Foggy, I would die first.”
Foggy lets out a short, laughter-adjacent sound. “Well, that’s sort of missing the point of neither of us dying, isn’t it? Not that I don’t appreciate the sentiment, but howsabout we grow old together like we planned?”
Grow old together. Matt knows Foggy doesn’t mean it like it sounds, but he still has to swallow past the lump in his throat before he answers. “I’ll try,” he says.
“You had better.” Foggy slides his palms over his knees. He’s still jumpy, still radiating anxiety, and Matt thinks it’s just because Stick’s presence rattled him until he says, “He told me something else, too.”
Matt goes still. “...He did?”
“Yeah,” Foggy says, tilting his head. “Something about you being madly in love with me? Apparently there’s been pining, he was very emphatic about how pathetic all the pining was...”
For the second time that night Matt can’t breathe, he’s choking, this is it, he’s ruined everything and Foggy’s going to tell him that he can’t handle it, that they can’t be friends anymore and then Matt will be alone -
“Matt. Matty!” Foggy. Foggy’s moved closer and his hands are on Matt’s face. “Come on, buddy, breathe. Focus on me, okay?”
“Foggy,” Matt manages, and even to his own ears he’s never sounded so miserable.
“I’m sorry, bud. I shouldn’t have done it like that.” Foggy kisses his temple. “I just, you know, I was pretty sure it was Stick talking out of his wizened old ass until, uh. That.”
Oh, wonderful, it wasn’t Stick, Matt gave himself away...but Foggy’s lips are on his forehead now, his fingers petting Matt’s hair, and that, at the very least, doesn’t seem like Foggy’s about to end their friendship and kick Matt out of his apartment.
“Matt, you dumbass,” Foggy says, very gently. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t know,” Matt admits very quietly. “I didn’t know until Stick...he listened to my heart when I was with you and…” Foggy is laughing, and Matt collects himself enough to scowl. “What?”
“Turnabout is fair play, Murdock,” Foggy says. He’s got the smile sound in his voice and his hands are still on Matt’s face, and Matt doesn’t want to jinx it, but he thinks this might be something very good. “After all these years of listening to my heart.”
“I don’t...what do you mean?” Matt asks.
“Matt.” Foggy tilts his chin up. “You were valedictorian in undergrad. You can smell pheromones. Quit being a dope.”
He kisses Matt, then, and Matt has to agree: he’s been a dope, and a dumbass, and anything else Foggy wants to call him. Foggy will have to do it later, though, because Matt is too busy kissing him back to let him say anything.
When Foggy pulls back, his pulse is very fast and his breathing is ragged. “So,” he says in what’s clearly supposed to be a conversational tone, and Matt can’t help grinning at how badly he misses the mark, “just so we’re on the same page here: you didn’t know you were in love with me.”
Matt shakes his head.
“And you didn’t know that I was in love with you,” Foggy goes on.
Matt’s grin goes wider. “What was that last part?” he asks. “I didn’t quite catch it.”
“Shut up, you have super hearing, yes you did,” Foggy says, but he kisses Matt again so he can’t be too annoyed.
One of the things the accident bequeathed Matt with was an extremely precise internal clock. Still, he’s not sure how much later it is when they bother to speak again. His gloves and boots are off, though, and Foggy’s shirt is a lot less buttoned than it was when they started.
“I feel like this wasn’t the conclusion Stick was hoping we’d reach,” Foggy says. His voice is low and rough and rumbles through Matt, sprawled out on the couch as they are. Matt could really get used to this.
“Probably not,” Matt agrees, fingers tracing the edge of the bruise he’s sucked into the curve of Foggy’s shoulder. Foggy shivers and Matt grins.
“Excellent. Screw that guy,” Foggy says. “I think he thought I’d make a noble sacrifice and let you go to fight the good fight, unhampered by foolish human emotions. I’m way too selfish for that.”
Matt tucks his head into the curve of Foggy’s shoulder. Foggy is much more comfortable to lie on than the couch. “You’re the least selfish person I know.”
“That’s a lie, you know Claire,” Foggy says.
There’s a catch in his voice, and Matt frowns against Foggy’s collarbone. “But you know he’s wrong, right? About…” He bites his lip and catches a lock of Foggy’s hair between his fingers, just to have something to do with his hands. “Foggy, you’re the reason I can fight the good fight.”
“Um, I think the reason is your extensive knowledge of how to injure people while backflipping,” Foggy says.
“No, I mean…” Matt searches for the words. “It’s...hard, being...doing what I do, and I don’t...I don’t think I could do it if I didn’t have you there. Stick said the same thing to me, that I had to cut you loose, but he doesn’t understand.” Stick has no idea what it means to run towards someone else's open arms, and not away. Matt had almost forgotten himself.
He pushes his face further into Foggy’s shoulder, until his voice is a little muffled. He thinks his cheeks are red. “You’re what keeps me going when I don’t think I can.”
“Oh, Matt,” Foggy breathes, and presses his lips to the top of Matt’s head. There’s salt in the air, but Matt doesn’t think the tears are a bad thing this time.
After that Foggy just pets his hair for a while. It’s soothing, and Matt’s nearly asleep when Foggy pokes him in the side. “Hey, as much as I’m grateful that you’re wearing body armor now, it’s heavy. And...weirdly squeaky.”
Matt tilts his head up so Foggy can see his leer. “Why, Mr. Nelson, are you suggesting I disrobe?”
“Did you or did you not say you nearly got yourself killed last night and you’re all beaten up?” Foggy asks sternly.
“I can - ”
“Matthew.” Foggy gently tugs a lock of Matt’s hair and Matt sighs, conceding. “Quit pouting at me. I’ll rustle up a pair of sweatpants for you and order a pizza. You can fulfill all my feverish college fantasies when you haven’t just sprained your gall bladder and broken all your toes.”
Matt obediently stands up. It hurts to move, so Foggy’s probably right, as disappointing as that is. “All of your fantasies? Because I remember you getting very drunk and telling me about a sex dream you had about Dean Pritchard.”
“Hey, Dean Pritchard was a handsome woman in her day,” Foggy says, standing up and heading for the bedroom. “Also, you were never supposed to speak of that again.”
“Sorry,” Matt says. He peels off the top of his suit as he listens to Foggy rummaging through his dresser, then starts working on the pants.
Foggy’s heartbeat speeds up when he comes back out and finds Matt half naked in his living room. “Well, now I don’t know if I’m aroused or angry at you for being dumb enough to get yourself that bruised up.”
Matt gives him a sly grin. “You could be angry at how arousing you find me?”
“Nice try, Murdock.” Foggy tosses the sweatpants at him. “Go on, hide your shame. I gotta call the pizza place.”
Matt pulls on the sweatpants and settles back down on the couch, listening to Foggy order and then fuss around, tidying up the apartment. His heartbeat is steady and he smells like home and Matt’s not at all ready to trust that this happiness is his to keep. But for now, he thinks, he’s not going to question it.
Foggy flops onto the couch next to him and leans into Matt. Matt combs his fingers through Foggy’s hair, enjoying the way it makes the clean familiar smell of it bloom in the air, and Foggy chuckles.
“What?” Matt asks.
“Just thinking,” Foggy says. “You don’t know where Stick lives, do you?”
Matt shakes his head. “I doubt he has a permanent address.”
“Hm. Pity,” Foggy says. “Now where am I going to send the thank you card?"
Re: giving the game away, 6/7
-
He stops by Claire's. There's little she can do besides offer painkillers they both know he won't take, but at least she can check him over and venture an exhausted, worried guess - hope - that his internal injuries aren't too bad.
He takes himself home, where he doesn't so much sleep as simply allow himself to cease being conscious. Wakes at nine to text Karen that he's taking a sick day - Karen, because Foggy will ask follow-up questions. Drops out again.
It's late afternoon when he wakes for real. He feels steadier but hollow, like something's been stripped away inside.
He's not suicidal. At least, he doesn't think he is. Sure, he's thought about it - who hasn't? - and there have been times he's been so beaten down he thinks it would be easier to just. Stop.
Not just physically. He thinks of those days when he and Foggy weren't talking, when he wasn't sure they would ever talk again.
No, he's never wanted to die. But sometimes being alive seems like more than he can bear.
Stick is right that he'll get himself killed like this, though. So he needs to either cut Foggy out of his life entirely, like Stick wants, or figure out a way to be around him like they were before. Life without Foggy isn't an option, so it'll have to be door number two. He loved Foggy for years without telling him, after all; just because he's conscious of it now shouldn't change anything.
Besides, he thinks guiltily, it's not like he doesn't have plenty of practice lying to Foggy.
He eats. He tries and fails to meditate. He finds himself unable to sleep after sundown, which isn't a surprise considering how late he woke up.
He can't patrol. He knows that. He's too injured.
But he can go to Foggy's.
One last time, he tells himself. Before he puts the heartsick puppy act away for good. One last night where he can admit to himself what he really wants.
He goes slow over the roofs. Time and sleep helped, but he's still hurting - and he needs to stay out of sight. Too many people would take a shot at Daredevil if they saw him, and he's not up for a fight right now.
He's a block away when he hears Foggy's heartbeat. He's home, he's awake, and from the speed of his heart he's not entirely calm. Matt doesn't think to worry until he gets close enough to recognize the other heartbeat in Foggy's apartment.
Stick.
Matt takes off running. He forgets to stay out of sight, forgets about his injuries, forgets everything except that he needs to get to Foggy before Stick hurts him.
He leaps across to Foggy's roof, shoots down the fire escape. The window's open - probably how Stick got in - and he hurtles through. Slams into Stick as Stick turns to face him.
"Matt!" Foggy says, and then Matt has to focus on Stick. Stick frees himself with a knee to Matt's stomach and spins to kick him in the chest. Matt jumps back, moves in again and goes for the throat. Blocks. Parries. Spins. Stick's more experienced and not injured, but Matt won't let him win. Matt's fighting for something more here.
"Matt!" Foggy shouts again as Stick hurls Matt into the arm of the couch, right on his bruised ribs. Matt gets back up, charges again, blacks Stick's eye with an elbow strike. Stick moves like fucking smoke, though, and suddenly he's got an arm locked across Matt's throat, choking him, and Matt's scrabbling at his face, he can't breathe and he needs to save Foggy, he needs to -
"STOP IT!" Foggy hollers, loud enough to startle them both. "You're not going to kill Matt, you crusty old asshole, and Matt, you're not going to kill anyone, so if you two need to destroy another living room I'd prefer that it not be mine."
Stick...Stick actually laughs.
And releases Matt, who immediately moves to stand between them. “Did he hurt you?” he asks, angling his head back a little so that Foggy knows Matt’s talking to him.
“Relax, kid,” Stick says. “Nelson and I were just overdue for a talk.”
Matt’s never been able to tell when Stick’s lying. “Foggy?”
“I’m fine, Matt,” Foggy says. “And you’ve said your piece, Crypt Keeper, so get the hell out of my apartment before I figure out a way to call the Avengers on your sleazy ninja ass.”
“Fine,” Stick says. “But think about what I said.”
“Believe me, I will,” Foggy says, which startles Matt. What the hell could Stick say to him that Foggy would even consider?
Stick has to move past Foggy to get to the door, and Matt keeps himself between them the whole time. “Down, boy,” Stick says, and Matt wishes it didn’t make him want to actually growl. “See you around.”
It’s a bad joke on a number of levels, but whether it’s also a threat or just a promise, Matt can’t be sure.
Stick taps his way out the door. Foggy lets out a tremendous sigh and flops down on his couch. “Well,” he says. “This has been a night. Matt, what the - ”
Matt holds up a warning hand. “He’s still in range. Just...wait.”
They do, Foggy tapping an impatient hand on his knee until Matt can’t hear Stick anymore. He’s pretty sure his own senses are actually better than Stick’s, which means they can talk freely. “Okay. He’s gone.”
“Great. Do you have any more fun acquaintances from your past who might break into my apartment and threaten me? Ex-girlfriends? Childhood bullies? A sinister pediatrician, perhaps?”
Foggy’s trying too hard for jovial; there’s a tremor in his voice, and he’s sweating. Matt moves in to comfort, catches himself, and takes an awkward seat as far away from Foggy on the couch as he can get. “Foggy, I’m so sorry. I had no idea he’d come after you.” Although he should have expected it, really. All this time avoiding Foggy, and he should have been glued to his side.
“Obviously.” Foggy makes an annoyed noise. “Could you take off the mask?”
Matt does - and then regrets it at Foggy’s sharp intake of breath. “Jesus, Matt,” he says. “What happened this time?”
“I was careless. I let myself get outnumbered,” Matt admits. He pauses, then adds: “Stick helped me out.”
Foggy scrubs a hand over his face. “That...makes sense, actually,” he says, and why, why does that make sense to him, what did Stick say? “How bad is the rest of it?”
Matt shrugs one shoulder. “Claire says it’s mostly just bruising. It’s ugly, but it’ll heal.” His fingers tighten on the mask, find the edges of it. “You said Stick threatened you.”
“Well, sort of,” Foggy hedges. “It was more ‘dire warnings full of sturm and drang’ than promising to pull of my fingernails or anything like that.”
“What did he say?” Matt’s proud of how calm his voice is, in that he’s not actively screaming right now.
“Oh, you know. I’m gonna get you killed, you’re gonna get me killed...lotta inadvertent death in our future, apparently. I am starting to see why you’re such a downer.”
“Foggy, I would never…” Matt starts, and Foggy cuts him off.
“I know,” he says. “I told him that the guy who keeps telling you to watch your injuries and actually rest once in a while is a hell of a lot less likely to get you killed than the guy who keeps trying to recruit you for his holy ninja war. And that you...” He drops the forced too-jovial tone. “You would never let anything happen to me.”
There’s too much faith in his voice. It’s true, but Matt still doesn’t deserve it.
“I wouldn’t,” he says. “Foggy, I would die first.”
Foggy lets out a short, laughter-adjacent sound. “Well, that’s sort of missing the point of neither of us dying, isn’t it? Not that I don’t appreciate the sentiment, but howsabout we grow old together like we planned?”
Grow old together. Matt knows Foggy doesn’t mean it like it sounds, but he still has to swallow past the lump in his throat before he answers. “I’ll try,” he says.
“You had better.” Foggy slides his palms over his knees. He’s still jumpy, still radiating anxiety, and Matt thinks it’s just because Stick’s presence rattled him until he says, “He told me something else, too.”
Matt goes still. “...He did?”
“Yeah,” Foggy says, tilting his head. “Something about you being madly in love with me? Apparently there’s been pining, he was very emphatic about how pathetic all the pining was...”
For the second time that night Matt can’t breathe, he’s choking, this is it, he’s ruined everything and Foggy’s going to tell him that he can’t handle it, that they can’t be friends anymore and then Matt will be alone -
“Matt. Matty!” Foggy. Foggy’s moved closer and his hands are on Matt’s face. “Come on, buddy, breathe. Focus on me, okay?”
“Foggy,” Matt manages, and even to his own ears he’s never sounded so miserable.
“I’m sorry, bud. I shouldn’t have done it like that.” Foggy kisses his temple. “I just, you know, I was pretty sure it was Stick talking out of his wizened old ass until, uh. That.”
Oh, wonderful, it wasn’t Stick, Matt gave himself away...but Foggy’s lips are on his forehead now, his fingers petting Matt’s hair, and that, at the very least, doesn’t seem like Foggy’s about to end their friendship and kick Matt out of his apartment.
“Matt, you dumbass,” Foggy says, very gently. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t know,” Matt admits very quietly. “I didn’t know until Stick...he listened to my heart when I was with you and…” Foggy is laughing, and Matt collects himself enough to scowl. “What?”
“Turnabout is fair play, Murdock,” Foggy says. He’s got the smile sound in his voice and his hands are still on Matt’s face, and Matt doesn’t want to jinx it, but he thinks this might be something very good. “After all these years of listening to my heart.”
“I don’t...what do you mean?” Matt asks.
“Matt.” Foggy tilts his chin up. “You were valedictorian in undergrad. You can smell pheromones. Quit being a dope.”
He kisses Matt, then, and Matt has to agree: he’s been a dope, and a dumbass, and anything else Foggy wants to call him. Foggy will have to do it later, though, because Matt is too busy kissing him back to let him say anything.
When Foggy pulls back, his pulse is very fast and his breathing is ragged. “So,” he says in what’s clearly supposed to be a conversational tone, and Matt can’t help grinning at how badly he misses the mark, “just so we’re on the same page here: you didn’t know you were in love with me.”
Matt shakes his head.
“And you didn’t know that I was in love with you,” Foggy goes on.
Matt’s grin goes wider. “What was that last part?” he asks. “I didn’t quite catch it.”
“Shut up, you have super hearing, yes you did,” Foggy says, but he kisses Matt again so he can’t be too annoyed.
One of the things the accident bequeathed Matt with was an extremely precise internal clock. Still, he’s not sure how much later it is when they bother to speak again. His gloves and boots are off, though, and Foggy’s shirt is a lot less buttoned than it was when they started.
“I feel like this wasn’t the conclusion Stick was hoping we’d reach,” Foggy says. His voice is low and rough and rumbles through Matt, sprawled out on the couch as they are. Matt could really get used to this.
“Probably not,” Matt agrees, fingers tracing the edge of the bruise he’s sucked into the curve of Foggy’s shoulder. Foggy shivers and Matt grins.
“Excellent. Screw that guy,” Foggy says. “I think he thought I’d make a noble sacrifice and let you go to fight the good fight, unhampered by foolish human emotions. I’m way too selfish for that.”
Matt tucks his head into the curve of Foggy’s shoulder. Foggy is much more comfortable to lie on than the couch. “You’re the least selfish person I know.”
“That’s a lie, you know Claire,” Foggy says.
There’s a catch in his voice, and Matt frowns against Foggy’s collarbone. “But you know he’s wrong, right? About…” He bites his lip and catches a lock of Foggy’s hair between his fingers, just to have something to do with his hands. “Foggy, you’re the reason I can fight the good fight.”
“Um, I think the reason is your extensive knowledge of how to injure people while backflipping,” Foggy says.
“No, I mean…” Matt searches for the words. “It’s...hard, being...doing what I do, and I don’t...I don’t think I could do it if I didn’t have you there. Stick said the same thing to me, that I had to cut you loose, but he doesn’t understand.” Stick has no idea what it means to run towards someone else's open arms, and not away. Matt had almost forgotten himself.
He pushes his face further into Foggy’s shoulder, until his voice is a little muffled. He thinks his cheeks are red. “You’re what keeps me going when I don’t think I can.”
“Oh, Matt,” Foggy breathes, and presses his lips to the top of Matt’s head. There’s salt in the air, but Matt doesn’t think the tears are a bad thing this time.
After that Foggy just pets his hair for a while. It’s soothing, and Matt’s nearly asleep when Foggy pokes him in the side. “Hey, as much as I’m grateful that you’re wearing body armor now, it’s heavy. And...weirdly squeaky.”
Matt tilts his head up so Foggy can see his leer. “Why, Mr. Nelson, are you suggesting I disrobe?”
“Did you or did you not say you nearly got yourself killed last night and you’re all beaten up?” Foggy asks sternly.
“I can - ”
“Matthew.” Foggy gently tugs a lock of Matt’s hair and Matt sighs, conceding. “Quit pouting at me. I’ll rustle up a pair of sweatpants for you and order a pizza. You can fulfill all my feverish college fantasies when you haven’t just sprained your gall bladder and broken all your toes.”
Matt obediently stands up. It hurts to move, so Foggy’s probably right, as disappointing as that is. “All of your fantasies? Because I remember you getting very drunk and telling me about a sex dream you had about Dean Pritchard.”
“Hey, Dean Pritchard was a handsome woman in her day,” Foggy says, standing up and heading for the bedroom. “Also, you were never supposed to speak of that again.”
“Sorry,” Matt says. He peels off the top of his suit as he listens to Foggy rummaging through his dresser, then starts working on the pants.
Foggy’s heartbeat speeds up when he comes back out and finds Matt half naked in his living room. “Well, now I don’t know if I’m aroused or angry at you for being dumb enough to get yourself that bruised up.”
Matt gives him a sly grin. “You could be angry at how arousing you find me?”
“Nice try, Murdock.” Foggy tosses the sweatpants at him. “Go on, hide your shame. I gotta call the pizza place.”
Matt pulls on the sweatpants and settles back down on the couch, listening to Foggy order and then fuss around, tidying up the apartment. His heartbeat is steady and he smells like home and Matt’s not at all ready to trust that this happiness is his to keep. But for now, he thinks, he’s not going to question it.
Foggy flops onto the couch next to him and leans into Matt. Matt combs his fingers through Foggy’s hair, enjoying the way it makes the clean familiar smell of it bloom in the air, and Foggy chuckles.
“What?” Matt asks.
“Just thinking,” Foggy says. “You don’t know where Stick lives, do you?”
Matt shakes his head. “I doubt he has a permanent address.”
“Hm. Pity,” Foggy says. “Now where am I going to send the thank you card?"
They're still laughing when the pizza shows up.