AYRT as someone who is usually meh about penetrative sex in erotica (and sometimes squicked out by it) it drives me a little bit up the wall that there's a culture of writing m/m penetrative sex in fandom even when it would logistically be better to just not have it. Like there are so many fics where characters want to spontaneously bang and suddenly one character has lube despite never having had anal sex before and they have a really easy time of just going at it. It's not necessary or sensible for that to be happening. You can have satisfying sexual experiences without penetration, even if you have a penis.

I don't ask my gay male friends a lot about their sex lives because it's not usually my business but it seems clear to me that anal is something that you have to really prepare for so it just wouldn't happen most times. I mean, even heterosexual couples will forego PIV for whatever reason.

I think there's a lot of reasons for lack of femslash but i don't think one of the reasons is that the people revering penetrative sex are the same people thirsting for non penetrative lesbian sex. I also think in general if we didn't make it so the first smut that people found was all penetrative m/m sex then people would learn how to write non penetrative sex and realize that all 'foreplay' isn't just a precursor to penetrative sex.